Nannas v Russians

2–16

GF, TH, TW, AW, JH

The hardest game of the season; the Nannas were always going to have a tough time.

First, there was talk of camping resulting in three Nannas fucking off somewhere breaking the Nanna’s and Cocky’s heart.

Second, there was lots of champagne drunk immediately before the game.

Third, we were all high on an art opening, Andy especially.

Fourth, it was a scratch match, and we had confirmation before kick-off that we were in the finals.

Fifth, we were playing the Russians, who had on their team a player of mammoth skill, his footwork so great that most of the nannas, high and drunk, could hardly make out his constantly twirling feet, let alone manage to get in his way, or even touch him—as so many of us wanted to do, in our inebriated admirated states.

Yes, the odds were stacked against us. But the Nannas battled bravely and there were moments of magic.

There was Tao on the turn, rapping the ball onto the post and into goal.

There was Tao again, going the nut and getting a red card for his efforts. At the time the Nannas were probably down 10–nil but Tao only knows one way, which is to find an opponent, whack him as hard as he can, whack him again, and then for good measure whack him once more.

There was Tommy throwing his gloves to the ground in disgust. There is some rule somewhere (which the Russians knew, mind you) that states that if you have a player sent off, you can send on a player in his place after three minutes. The Russians had a replacement to send on and did so; we did not and could not. Tommy said, ‘fuck this, and fuck you [to the Russians]’ and then stormed off.

There was Andy, all buff and shit, steaming up the camera for the post match shot. Yes Andy is a very sexual man and to hell if anyone knows it. Andy knows of course that indoor soccer is only a game but the real test of a man is his attractiveness to other men. Andy does us all proud.

There was Ghee, after a long flight, after much champagne, after much feeling up of art folk, all steel and sweat, striding onto the court. Sure his skills were a bit rusty, sure he had trouble getting to grips with the very regimented Nanna game plan but fuck me did he run, fuck me did he try.