Sometimes the schoolchildren write to me and they say: ‘The Nannas are obviously a bunch of well turned out blokes, who have the best strip in the competition, right from the artistically designed and metaphorically loaded top down to the scientifically advanced sweat emulsifying socks, and they wear it with pride because they know that to be dressed as a team is to play as a team, but what do the Nannas wear when they are not in carving shit up on the soccer field?’ I will tell you what we wear. We wear our off field uniform. See:

Yes, even the shorts are the same, and they both wear brown y-fronts with gold trim specially produced for us by Jockey. Only the captain is allowed to vary in this off field uniform by way of wearing a blue striped bed cover over his head (see background). I hope this answers the children’s questions. BTW Chas, I have worked it out. If pus comes out it’s a pimple, if Claire won’t kiss you it is a coldsore.