Result: Vaga 10, Nannas 1
Attendees: CB, DC, AW, GF, RH, TK (MOM)
Goals: RH 1

It is time to enter the 36th chamber of Shaolin again. Analyse what you have and what you don’t have. We can forget all our past, broken heart, solitude, bad habits and old glories. Get calm and look around. Are we ready for the drill?

Now, you can see a big mountain next to yours. How can you get there? Can you get the top? What is your way? Any tactics? Plans? Advise? The enemy is in front of you. You know they do not wait your turn. You know Banzai charge does not work anymore. You know snipers do not pull the triggers till the last moments. You get them or they get you. We decide all on the court. You take a big breath even when you get the ball. Look around. Your body knows what need to be done. You feel moving millisecond slower because everything is under control. You make it happen as you imagined. You know what will happen next because you have the ball on your foot. To get the top of the mountain, we sometime climb down if it is necessarily. We go back to basic lessons and create the killer moves.

We fuckingwell drank that keg!

Result: ??? 7 plays Nannas 3
Attendees: CB, DC, JH, TH, TK
Goals: CB 2, JH 1
MOM: JH

Pre-game

• Ghee and I visited the Coach’s kid. She’s a cutie. Lots of dark hair. Great bowel movements. A bit grisly on this occasion though.

The match

• It was a tight five configuration. Gilla, Tao, Andy and Captain made themselves unavailable. Coach was back but Ghee got off at Redfern, with a serious little toe injury.
• The first five minutes. Both teams were in slow motion.
• The next10 minutes. We went behind 4 nil. They got two from headers. Cocky gave them a gift (a telegraphed pass right in front of our goal), which they gratefully accepted. Jim gave them a present too (a very soft pass on our side of halfway). They had to work a bit harder to convert that one.
• We got one back. Chas to Tommy, Tommy to Jim, Jim on his preferred side in space. Jim slots it past the keeper.
• Half time 4 to 1. We were playing better than them. We seemed to have more of the ball and lots of half chances, which we didn’t convert. They had more luck in front of goal.
• The second half. Very similar to the first. We seemed to playing better than them but on the scoreboard their tally progressed at a greater rate than ours. We got two to their three. Chas slammed one at their goalmouth from a side restart forcing an error and a goal. Chas slotted home for a second time after the ref gave us a break (probably because Gilla wasn’t there). They got theirs on the break, one of which was another header.
• It always felt like we would better them until a couple of minutes from the end. We had a number of clear-cut chances that on any other night we would have taken. Chas missed from point blank range, trying to recover a ball from very high in the air in a sort of scissor kick manoeuvre. Jim was one on one with the goalie only for the ball to bobble just as he was going to hit it. Cocky should have had a couple.

Analysis

• The Nannas put out a very strong team. Kondo made some fine saves. Tommy had a fine return performance post baby birth. Chas was strong and true. Cocky played without luck in front of goals but still threatened for most of the match.
• The tight five was gold. We played with cohesion, holding the ball nicely and for the most part finding people with our passes. Towards the end, we did slow a bit.
• Our defence was shit. We could not stop bleeding goals. But it has to be said that a least half of their goals were from headers, which are hard to defend against. Gilla needs to go watch their keeper, who could teach him a thing or two about when and how to throw the long ball.
• Ghee, as coach, apparently was giving us encouragement and direction from the sideline but I really didn’t hear him. Post match it was said that he had removed his shoes and socks mid-game to inspect his seriously injured toe. Interesting.

Afterward

• We went for plates upon plates of fried chicken and, to wash it down, a keg of beer. We drank it all.

Verdict

• If only we had of won it would have been one of the better nights of my life.

CG, DC, CB, JM, AW, TK, TW (1)(MOM)

1-3 Vs VJFC

It’s late, it’s Wednesday night and Austin Powers is on TV. Bu that’s not an excuse for not writing the match report.

We came up against some old foes and were keeping it together for most the game. Managed only one goal from a lovely pass across court from Chassy allowing a nice toe poke from myself to hit the back of the net.

That was in the first half. This team, who usually start to fall apart, much like Classic Nanna’s, were able to keep their cool and put a few more into the net than we were able to.

There was the most contentious disallowed goal from a throw from Gilla that just missed Cockys head to then slip through the goalies legs. It seemed that the goalie did indeed touch the ball but the ref, in his wisdom, decided to ask the goalie if he had indeed touched the ball before or after it went over the line. After a time the goalie couldn’t make up his mind and the ref still went against us. This only went towards confirming what Gilla always suspected of this ref.

In the end it was not just the disallowed goal that was our downfall but more the 3 subs that made it very difficult to keep a consistent game plan.

Angry already

Had to post – Everyone’s so happy, and Andy’s old bike is there.

1-0 v ?
CB, DC (1,mom), RH, AW, GF, CG, JH

A Win! A freakin’ win at last. Long has it been since the mighty king lion, vanquisher of mythological and metaphorical beasts, savoured the the sweet, cloying taste of victory. And well done it was too. A good solid 1 goal win, established early and defended righteously until the final whistle. Yes, a good solid win that was both good and solid. Hard edged and smooth, with very little ornamentation or detail, just good, honest and lacking in any overwrought features, characteristics, attributes, aspects, facets, parts, components or elements.

So moving on to other details of import:
• Whitney Houston died and was reincarnate as Susudio Dougdale Whitney Rhonda Coltrane Howthews Mathowie III • Kevin Rudd resigned as Minister of foreign affairs • Le Coq Sportif hired a camera he has already paid for because his still hasn’t arrived after 9 months • Ghee got some new Persols • Arsene Wenger said coming 4th is a trophy in itself after losing 4-0 to Milan in the UCL • Sydney scientists built the world’s tiniest transistor by precisely positioning a single phosphorus atom in a silicon crystal • Le Coq Sportif successfully wrote a setup script quicker than doing the task manually in the first place • Rocket started Kinder • The Hyandai iLoad with a third row of seats became very attractive • Austerity measures are enacted due to massive overspending •

I was going to write more about the nature of self delusion and outcomes versus process but that will have to wait for another time.

“done is the engine of more” – but isn’t that just capitalist thinking ?

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

I pulled in some favours from the family and got hold of some neck parma, some salami, and some panchetta for pizza night. Actually, I can’t verify any of those ingredients, it was so long ago, but I’m pretty sure we had salami. We had cheese, I know that much. The white stuff, the buffalo cheese, or danger cheese, as it’s known in milking circles.

Gilla was my Ben Kenobi, coaching me, encouraging me, as I kneaded the door and applied the toppings. There was as air of imminent disaster like a demons possessed shadow, closing in the room as the oven heated.

I told stories about cutting edge sexual deviancy and experimental adult video making, and then once every nanna in the room had turned a ghostly white, we sat down to 4 pizzas.

Then I bid the nans adieu, and they went home to have horrific nightmares about extreme penile pee-pee hole enlargement, and German schizen “cinema.”

We all had the nightmares. We all still do. In time, the sun will rise again.

5-8 Vs Harder Than Pele
CG (G,MOM), Dave (1), AW, JH (1), GF, TW (3, MOM)

I made some notes post game and during the cook to give myself some pointers when I finally sat down to write this report. I decided to let the notes speak for themselves.

Match report notes
Harder than pele 5-8
Tw3 david1 jim1
Jim with lovely header. Andy gave goal to david. I got one thru goalies legs, in off goalie and fought off 2 guys to kick 3rd.
The Uranus exp
2 girls and a cup
Be naughty
Pizza
Taught Andy about skat and the elephant party trick.
Frasay cook 5.67 at home

And that’s all folks.

0-5 loss vs hyderoos

CG, GF(mom), JH, RH, TH, AW

it was a long time ago – like WWII

in the quest for inept and poorly considered metaphors what planes were we?…

Hinkley was the Hawker Hurricane, dependable and did all the grunt work, shooting up the bombers while the Johnny Niceteeths in the Spitfires got all the glory dogfighting Messerschmidts. Did I tell you they were tough? They were tough. Fly with the arse shot out of them. Plus they both start with H and Hinkley’s a South Islander which is where the Hurricane would have been from if Stanley Hawker was a Kiwi.

Big Jim Hannan was the B17 Flying Fortress. Not the newest, not the biggest, not the fastest, not the best armour, not the biggest payload, not the highest ceiling, not the most guns, but responsible for killing more godless Nazis than any other weapon in the war.

Giller was the Me 262 – A fricken jet? In WWII? Yep that’s right – A fricken jet. In WWII.

Andy was pretty much the whole Russian Air Force or whatever the fuck they called it back then. Crazy two seat tank busters they made in the 10s of thousands and Yakelov fighters that the dude who made the plane flew the plane and other mad shit only Russians can do.

I won mom so I must have been something good like the Mosquito. Made of wood I was fast and I flew away whenever bad times came.

Fraser was the Ekranoplan, which isn’t even really a plane and certainly isn’t from WWII and willikers if that thing reacharound you boy will you know about it for a long time no sitting down sir.

How the fuck we lost that war with that arsenal at our disposal you ask? – I think the opposition were pretty much Korean War era models, Sabre’s and Migs and crap. Not totally out of our league, but next level shit. They had firepower, range, speed, ceiling and armour on us, so despite the fact we put up a good fight (probably slightly better than the score indicates) we never really looked like it.

To celebrate defeat Giller took us to a whole bunch of places that he’d been lucky enough to be able to rehearse the previous week when we lacked quorum. Northside -> Saskwatch -> Korean Izakaya

the Nannas v top of the table…
0. V. 5

Th, gf, cg, jh, rh, aw

Was not pretty…. As you can tell there were NO goals. Not much to say really. Let’s say that we held them to 5 goals…

Cooking was what it was about. We started at 4pm with golf then after Jim popped Tom by one and the captain drew with the goalie all bets were off. The we hit Taco truck, turned up after Carolyn Fraser but got served before her. Embarrassing , but a full show of respect! The game was next……nuff said….
Post match we hit Cherry bar and Saskwatcj did their thing. The Nannas did check the back room, with Deaf Lepard, Non Jovi, thin Dizzy and more….
Post cherry we hit Joomak – late night KoRhian respect.
An epic day……

7-2 Victory over Hampton FC
DC 1, CG 1(GK), RH 1, TH 2, TK 1, TW 1, AW

When you have shot a hyena jackle wearing a lion skin in it’s head. When you have bent over a Gryphon and showed that Gryphon what for. When you stand on top of mountain and that mountain is the Mountain of the Indoor Football Grandfinal. You fear no evil – for you are the meanest motherfucker in the valley. Basically you become what that dude became at the end of Kung Fu Hustle – a super awesome machine that cannot be stopped, you get that Buddha’s hand manoeuvre where you just fly in from the sky and smack any bitch down that tries to mess with you and there ain’t a damn thing anyone can do about it because you have achieved oneness with all that is and was and will be. Come to think of it, it was a lot like a kung-fu movie fight: we danced with them early for a while, trading blows, level pegging, going toe to toe. We got one – they got one back, maybe they were even ahead there at one stage, Giller was doing some fine saves, Cocky was monstering the goal without much luck, it was a bit of an arm wrestle. Then came DEATH BLOW. Not really wanting to blow my own trumpet here, but it was probably the reason I won MOM, plus Cocky did describe it as ‘an early contender for goal of the season’, so I’ll give you a brief run down. Basically it was the run in from defense, Tao laid it off to me and I struck it pretty sweetly from a few metres over the halfway line. It wasn’t a true toe poke, more of a hybrid half toe poke half ‘proper kick’, at any rate I got sweet hold of it. It seems to me that once you hit a ball sweet enough and it’s travelling at sufficient velocity it has no choice but to bend, and bend this one did, across goal away from the goalie, going into the net low and hard, the goalie left standing, the smack of the ball hitting the bricks leaving a resounding ringing through venue. Perhaps better goals will be scored, but this one also came at a decisive moment, the arm wrestle that had been being fought out by the whole team, was brought to swift conclusion by this one kick. From there we essentially were that giant Buddha’s hand that comes in from the sky and with impunity smites all those before it – the flood gates opened and we left laughing and smiling into the night, a night that featured delicious Huxtaburgers, drinks in a bar that you couldn’t get into to buy beers because of the private party – but you could sit on the street?, awesome car ballet behind Trippy Taco and a massive spray paint impromptu at Northside. We were happy and laughing but deep down we were sad, very very sad, because of the disrespect.

There is disrespect and then there is disrespect.

There are those that post a report late and redeem themselves with fluent prose, this has been known to win favour amongst upper management, occasionally to the chagrin of some select players. There are those that post late and display an aloofness that somehow places them above the Nannas as if match reports have no meaning or no relevance to the author.

Then there are those that post late for no apparent reason, laziness maybe, they forget the score, the vote count, even who played and then all they have left is the meta-report. The report on reporting, a last ditch attempt to try and save some face from a seemingly unsalvageable position.

Does this third style of report have a place? Does this style of report bring a new discussion to the whole reporting process? Is this, infact, the style of report that the Nannas have been craving. A report that looks beyond facts and stats, beyond reporting even, A report that spreads the legs of reporting, lifts the reporting processes’ skirt and reveals just what sort of underwear the reporting process wears.

For a report to work, to have any place in our history it must leave more than a record of events, it surely must attempt to recapture a moment in time that escapes the confines of the physical world. Aren’t we really craving a picture of our inner selves? emotions? feelings? doubts? fears? Leave the facts to the title and the photo, embrace the words that you long to see on the page, and in doing so take the Match report to the next level.

Surely there is a time when the meta report will pass without chance of a code violation.

The coach of the night

The Team

10/10 Chas
Ruled the mid-field. Very influential.

10/10 Kondo
Ran like a maniac. Vital touches in defence just as we were taking the game away from them.

9/10 Tao
Enforced the contact area. Scored a corker.

9/10 Cocky
In the right areas. Unlucky not to get 3 or 4.

9/10 Tom
Solid in defence. Menacing in forays forward.

9/10 Gill
Didn’t have much to do. Got busy with gaols.

9/10 Frasay
Got well forward. Put himself where he wasn’t wanted.

8/10 Andy
Excellent support. Loses a point for not being able to play.

5/10 Captain
With us in spirit. Loses points for not being there.

2-6 Vs Hampton FC
TH, AW, GF, TK(G), DC, TW(2, MOM)

A long time since a slender 7 and it it felt good. We played a nice and tight one but were not able to stop some easy goals getting past. Kondo played a beautiful game in goals after a long stint out. Dan had some nice runs but was taken down by a groin. This didn’t stop him from getting. Back in there and having another go. Kudos goes out to Ghee who past a little chip back to myself allowing me to slide on in the opposite corner. 

Over all it was a pretty tight and angry free game for Hampton. 

After we went for some high class pizza in the city thanks to Toms cook. 

2-4 vs St. Kilda, Wesley, 7.20pm

AW, CB, GF, CG (gk) , JH, RH, TH,TW 1, TK 1
mom TK

This was a part of the spiritual experience before the 11,11,11. I was excited about the13 Cristal Skulls were going to meet up next day to change the world.

Well two weeks since now… any thing good happened? A lot of thing has happened in my life. some ordinary. some of them are beyond the imagination. News about life and death..

This night was bit rough. I felt like all players were hungry animals waiting for the time to eat.
The game started evenly. I was not aware that they are the top team but certainly we matched up the skill and the speed. Their good pass works made a little difference but we were playing in good shape.

last few min they squeezed few goals but victory will be ours next time.

After the game, JH took us to check Korean BBQ + Special chicken and called “we should consider the quality and quantity of the meat in the vote.” I totally agree. Indeed we should judge the cook by this.

grrh.

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

Nannas 3 versus Pornstars 2

CB, GF, CG (1), JH (MOM), RH, TH, TW (1), AW

Questions posed pre-game:
Where is Ghee going to take us after the game and will it be any good? Does Ghee understand what ‘a cook’ entails? Who will drive from Northside? Who are we playing and what time? Who is playing? Is arguing about driving schedules, petrol mileage and how many people carried a Nanna thing to do? Are the Northsiders crazy? Where are Kondo and Cocky this week? What if Cocky didn’t actually have a keen interest in statistics? Are there too many emails sent during the flurry? Should we ban people from having their say in the flurry if they are not playing? Has Gill driven enough to warrant him never driving to a Nanna game again? Is it wise to drink a V before the game? Is it wise to get high before the game? How did Chas, or Hinkley for that matter, feel about the All Blacks winning the World Cup? How many Nanna emails does it take to organise something? Did Hinkley intentionally miss Gill off the list when talking about picking people up Northside? How much did Ghee pay for his new shoes? Are Ghee’s new shoe’s to everyone’s liking? Where would the flurry be without Andy taking the piss out of people?

Questions posed during the game:
Is too eight too many to have on an indoor soccer team? Is it better to have a larger team when it is hot? Are the Pornstars the same team without their English import? Can the Nannas convert all the possession they are enjoying into goals? Did anyone think the Pornstars own goal a bit sus? Do the Nannas have any attacking ability without Cocky? Is it right for Phil to play for a team when they already have five? Should Phil be allowed to score? Will Phil score? Are the Nannas getting too old? Is Hinkley really a god? Would it be wise to try to overthrow Hinkely for his captaincy? Should Tommy take a course in football tactics, so he can really Coach us? Should Chassy play a more playmaking role? Is it wise to bait a member of the opposition? Is the Pornstar’s keeper psycho? Should the Nannas get angry during a game? Will the Nannas ever stop bickering with one another? Doesn’t Gilla’s arse/hips get sore from all the jumping around he does? Can anyone ever get past Ghee? Can Gilla really score from between his own goal posts?  Will Gilla save the penalty? Will Tao score in the dying seconds  and win us the game? Will Hinkley and Tao realise that there is about 10 seconds for the opposition to score?

Questions posed post game:
Are the Nannas on a lucky streak? Is SIRI any good? Should one’s cooking effort be judged by those who leave early? How many beers did Ghee bring? How do you set reminders on your iPhone? Is the meatball soup noodle any good? Does Tommy have an unhealthy obsession with tripe? Should a player being high affect the number of votes he gets for MOM? Who is MOM? How many tokes should one have on a joint before getting on the train back to Malmsbury? What games are you playing on your iPhone at the moment? Is Tommy really the best choice for climbing on people’s backs? What is $100 divided by eight? Did Ghee get any cash for the beers he bought? Will Ghee hump his new flatmate? Will Ghee have a party at his new house soon? Will a select group of Nannas play golf this Thursday? Will everyone be able to make a 6 pm game next week? Who cooks next week?

Blood Bros: First Blood by Mad Decent

Track List:
1. Kumite (Main Title) – Paul Hertzog – Bloodsport
2. Higher And Higher – Craig Wedren – Wet Hot American Summer
3. The Glow – Willie Hutch – The Last Dragon
4. Thunder In Your Heart – John Farnham – Rad
5. No Easy Way Out – Robert Tepper – Rocky IV
6. Break The Ice – John Farnham – Rad
7. Montage – DVDA – South Park
8. Training Montage – Vince Di Cola – Rocky IV
9. Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor – Rocky III
10. Fight To Survive – Stan Bush – Bloodsport
11. The Final Countdown – Europe – Blood Bros
12. No Retreat No Surrender – Stan Bush – Kickboxer
13. Never Surrender – Stan Bush – Kickboxer
14. The Touch – Stan Bush – Transformers The Movie
15. Take It Like A Man – Stan Bush – Blood Bros
16. Dare – Stan Bush – Transformers The Movie
17. Sweetest Victory – Mark Torien – Rocky IV
18. Iron Eagle (Never Say Die) – King Kobra – Iron Eagle
19. Now You’re A Man – DVDA – Orgazmo
20. Winner Takes All – Sammy Hagar – Over The Top
21. Burning Heart – Survivor – Rocky IV
22. You’re The Best Around – Joe Espisito – Karate Kid
23. Gonna Fly Now – Bill Conti – Rocky
24. Glory Of Love – Peter Cetera – Karate Kid 2

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?

It is best to judge someone by the enemies they make.

5-5 vs Hampton St Fc, Wesley, 9.20pm

DC, GF, CG (gk) 1, RH1, TH, TK 1,TW2
mom TK

Well, we started really well in the best form. Most importantly, we were passing well, keeping the ball at the front, running back quick and defending as a wall.
As the result, we have got few goals quickly. It started by my lucky goal then followed by RH’s the most beautiful heal kick goal, CG’s magic tomahawk goal, TW’s lightning goals.

At the start of the second half, everyone must felt really good what we were doing. So all went super tight until last 4 minutes.
How could we loose 4 goals in 4 minutes? Hey, It was matter of focusing. No communication and no tactics. The score was draw but there was a heavy feeling.
A big kudos for CG stopped at least 8 goals. One of the location manager of Wesley kept saying we should buy a case of beer for him.

Instead of buying the case, we went to a bar then CG and myself were rejected by the door bitch. so my report ends here.. what happened after the night.. I hope everyone is still alive..

’tis a brave man who says they only way is up

It’s funny how sometimes the monsterweb and a Nanna’s Birthday Tribute Video can come together.

No…. I take that back – it’s not funny at all.

From what I can tell, it’s just how The Nanna’s roll.

PS. I’m sorry this post broke the formatting on the homepage. So many video nerds, so little room for widescreen.

The triple crown – full Kudos to Chassey.

A season of real highs and lows but in the end football was the winner.

Well that is the saying… but evidently it no longer carries any real weight whatsoever. From a team of ten, only three Nannas were committed enough to go to the Waiters and eat steaks, drink beer, defile virgin brassy and then watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Their names shall echo down through the ages… Coach®, Striker™ and Reacharound©. . After expecting the worst our three valiant ‘nobyers’ were pleasantly surprised by the movie, and Striker™ had a most excellent ride home.

* In fairness it should be mentioned that there had been mutterings from the Captain (mainly about a dance film!) and Brown and BestLookingNanna did consider the late pull-in.

Vs Allens FC 3-1

TK, TH, TW(MOM), CG(MOM), CB(1), JH(1), AW, DC(1, RED CARD)

What a night. First the reach-a-round arrives but not to participate. We were all looking forward to see the infamous move made famous by the Ghee Frasay. Alas it wasn’t to be.

On this night we came up against some old foes and there was no love lost there. While most of the team played a fair fight there is always one bad seed. He got in all our faces. Gill had a go at him, Chassy gyrated angrily over him and then Dan threw him to the ground. Did he deserve it???? FUCK YEAH!!!! Did it help our cause?? Not really. While we did beat them quite convincingly it could have been by more had our striker not left the court in disgrace.

After getting in the bastards ear he took some offence to me and tried to trip me up. This took the eye of the ref and he finally got a yellow card. This seemed to calm his anger somewhat. Until the end where he tried to break my hand with his extra manly shake. Did it hurt?? Not a bit.

While it was a bit of a heated game it was quite a good game. Especially the way the Nanna’s played. Defence was at a high on this night.

After it was Kondo’s turn to cook and he seriously turn it on. We went back to his place for some nostalgic times for Dan. Kondo had the slow cook stew ready to go when we got there. Great tastes, cold beer and some narrow table tennis made for a straight 6 night of nights. It’s going to take something special that make the Nanna’s whip it out on the table for a seven.

Attendees: CB, DC, CG, JH, TH, AW

Goals: CB 2, DC 2, JH 3

Result: Nannas 7 plays #$%^&* 2

The second game of the season and the Nannas had something to prove. The week before we drew with a weakened Annual outfit, letting an equaliser in, in the last minute. It was shitful. It was heinous. It was an abomination. As you can see, I am having some trouble letting go of the hatred I feel at such a miserable result.

So we lined up against a new opponent. They looked competent in the warm-up (never a good indicator), but as Andy said in the warm up, ‘I don’t care who they are, it’s time they got ripped a new arsehole.’

The Nannas were six, the perfect size, and made up of some very brown men.

Gilla took up his customary place in goals. GHBG’ed he may not have been but his glare was steely, his tracky dacks stained and his hair resolutely fluffed.
Cocky was at the opposite end and his return to the field of battle has been good for the Nannas. If he is not hitting keepers in the face with shots, he is at least creating an outlet up front where there previously was none.
Chassy and Andy prowled midfield. The two complemented each other nicely. Andy is all sneak, his best trick getting in behind oppositions, especially newbies who don’t know of the terror of his backdoor raids and scything right foot.
Chassy played the classic everyone at once role. Like Nick Reiwolt he does seem to be carrying an injury at the moment, but unlike the Saints spearhead he would never let this get in the way of a fine game.
Tommy and I guarded our rear end. Tommy started from middle right, making many a lumbering run through the middle, while I penetrated from deep, down the left hand side.

The first half was a classic arm wrestle, with neither side taking a clear cut advantage. We got two past them: one from my head from a long Gill throw; Chas got the other, being Johnny on the spot to slam home into an open goal after Cocky caused a bit of mayhem up front.

They did get one back on us but chasms were beginning to open up in their defense. It seemed like they did have a lot of possession in that first half but as both Tommy and I later agreed our defense was never really threatened. They had little cohesion and their best player repeatedly went himself and then made jokes after we scored goals on the rebound (after about the sixth goal and he knew he was beaten he got decidedly grumpy, which was something of a highlight).

The second half came and the Nannas swiftly got on top. Possession swung in our favour dramatically and it was only a question of if we could put it on the board, and, put them away.

Again and again our passes stuck and with time and space we lined up for shot after shot on goal. Cocky had more chances to poke home than a stud bull in springtime but he either had trouble hitting the target or was thwarted by their keeper. His best effort was a toe hack from straight in front that zipped past a number of their defenders and was heading for the top right corner until their shot stopper miraculously got the ends of his fingers to it.

From corner restarts resulting from some of these awry shots, I was able to slot home twice, latching onto passes delivered by a most benevolent Chas.

Then Cocky finally got on the score sheet, slotting home from a most difficult angle. He later commented that he was trying to cross the ball but it didn’t look that way.

There were two other goals scored by Chas and Cocky but right now I cannot seem to recall them.

Afterward Chassy cooked but I had a date with the 9:15 to Bendigo. Even so, this Nanna went home well satisfied with his evening’s work.

NANNAS V third street saints

7   :    1

TH, CG(mom), JH(mom), AW, TK, TW, DC, CB

Three main points surfaced after this game, Dan and Andy basically pashed at a restaurant. I am a 70’s vagina and the third thing was…………….oh its all such a haze. Maybe I should start at the beginning.

We faced some newbies. Its always a cherished moment to pop some teams cherries like you do the hope hopes and dreams of innocents. They still walked off the courts happily, but they realised they came up against an extremely skillful (old) opponent. We smashed them. However it should be pointed out that at half time the score was 2:1 in our favour.

It wasn’t until the second half that we found our rhythm. We were snapping passes like a dirty old man at the royal melbourne show. In fact the goals were so flowing that it seems like a Lionel Messi training drill in my mind. We just kept popping them in.

Let it be noted too that we had a new ref. This ref was great, young, but great, he took it seriously and made the game actually quite enjoyable. Then it was Chassy turn to cook.

Chassy took us to the swinging RICE QUEEN, where we were great by Ingrid busting out some sultry cocktail vocals accompanied by Olaf on keys and a cat on bass. It was quite a way to prepare for dinner. Obviously chassy had spent his afternoon blogging madly, but he came up trumps. Whilst the waiter was mildly insane, the food was ok and the tunes rolled all night.

Then there was the EDUMAME incident. Dan had turned his back only for a moment, and that was all it took for Andy to suck the beans out of his edumame pod and mistakenly throw the skin in the WRONG bowl. Then Dan reached in and sucked on Andy’s old bean, to then declare that he just sucked on a used skin. Andy may have well have spat in Dan’s mouth. He may well have licked the inside of Dan’s cheeks. He almost sucked on his tongue like a baby on a teat. As soon as the words fell out of Dan’s mouth, he realised he mistake. The truth was out and that jus made the realisation all the more funky. No wonder he made me take him out for a walk.

All that aside, the excitement is all about this week, as we have the return of REACHAROUND. All I can say is – beware any member of any opposition that play against the proud brown men. If you feel something reaching around, don’t look down, if you don’t see it happen, maybe it never did. Just like if Dan never mentioned about the Edumame, it would maybe have never happened.

110811: No byes, does anybody know what that means anymore?

110804: 4-3 loss to the Annual in a loser’s semi final
DC, CG, JH, TK, TW, TH(MOM)

110729: Beach Box Poker

110828: 4-4 Loss to ??
DC(MOM), CG, TW, CB, RH, JH, TH

-The Disgrace
FIDDLER ON THE FUCKING ROOF, I’m taking the above incidents in the order they appear so the major angriness can come out and then we’ll get on to the good times, so like I said FIDDLER ON THE FUCKING ROOF, that’s what it felt like to be the only one with my balls on the table when every other Nanna walked away to get their nuts buffed in private, there I was all my mess downstairs hanging out with a grin on my face like the kid a primary school whose just told the classroom his crack is caked with unwashed dags and gets not the: “oh that happens to me all the time”, or “this underlines the importance of correct rectal hygeine” with a friendly smile and a pat on the shoulder type responses that one expects from one’s brothers in arms, but rather the room looks at him like he’s just professed his deep and undying desire to skull fuck little baby kittens and that’s the best possible thing in the world – THAT’S HOW I FELT GODDAMNIT NO BYES USED TO MEAN SOMETHING!!!!

-The Other Disgrace
Loser’s semi finals. Who. Gives. A. Shit? Well we all jolly well should because if we keep going down to those dickless phase-wannabes we’re gonna need a mjor skin graft to repair our knees and a high pressure water cleaner to get all the dick sauce off our faces. And we don’t want to be remembered as kneeless blowhards with you-know-what caked inches deep all over our features. I know it was a close game, I know it could have gone either way, I know we played well, but fuck all that shit I want to win, we got to get back that winning edge, the fucking hunger and desire. Step up. Take responsiblity. Make everything you do out there count. And fuckingwell own any bitch who dares step to us.

-The NOT Disgrace
I tell you what, if the comp was about having a good time with your brothers we would smash any bastard out there. We’d be the Manchester U and Barca of that shit combined. I’m telling you if Charlie Sheen called Rob Lowe, fucking that President of Italy with the ‘bunga bunga’ parties, Don Simpson, goddamned the whole of Mötley Crüe from their prime in the early 90s and had a beach box poker night – and I don’t care that they have Heidi Fleiss on speed dial, or that guy Johnny Depp play’s in the movie “Blow” backing dump trucks of yayo up to the beach box, and all the midgets and the cheese sauce and the vapourisers from “Bored to Death – they wouldn’t have done it as good as we did it. It. Was. Outstanding. And I commend every Nanna for making it so. Military like precision in maximising the amount of time having the finest of times.

-Something else
There was another game – Cock the Hammer said it all – perhaps a limerick:

There once was a team ‘o’ so brown
On the Annual they always went down
The Coach he did roar
“NOT ANY MORE!
It’s their turn on our jizz to drown”

3-3 vs DWS fc
CB 1,DC 1,TW 1,AW,JH,TH,TK,CG
MOM CB,CG

It was an early game. 6pm to be precise. But the Nannas still managed to field an impressive squad of 8. Only the Captain was absent. Unable to extract himself from the bewildering length of lightly soiled lycra he found himself enmeshed in, he resigned himself to yet another night in a small inner city theatre moulding dancers’ lithe bodies into amusing shapes while gently caressing his own date and crying heartily into his portable projector.

But enough about the Captain. What a night of nights. Possibly the greatest draw ever. Looking at the points table for our competition, it can be observed that DWS fc (and no even they do not know what DWS stands for) have only had one draw. Against us. Sure they’ve lost three times (once against us), but never had they drawn. Until tonight. Incidentally I looked up DWS and it’s true even their website doesn’t seem to know what it means. Let’s just refer to them as the Dandy Walker Syndromes or if you prefer, Driving While Suspended.

It must be mentioned at this point that we had considerable numbers in the members stand. The full contingent of Brownsmiths plus Marek the Eel were in attendance and they lifted the Nannas’ spirits and pushed us on. At one point we were down 3-1. Tao got our first goal. The writer put a ground grubbing left through the field for the Nannas second goal and Cocky followed this up with a lovely finish to put us level. We were (in the parlance of B-more street hustlers) back in the game.

We held on. We played it tight. We drew. Revelatory.

Afterwards Cocky had to self abort his meticulously planned three stage early game post match festivities due to El’s freeform car exiting resulting in the world’s best 0. Meanwhile Gilly got an unofficial 6 for his Thai hookup in Carlton.