10-4 vs left footers
Tk (goals), CB 3, TW 2, GF 3, RH 2, JH
CB MOM

It was hot but not as hot as the week before.

We were taut. The taut six. Tighter than the week before.

The opposition were a bit shit. A bit shitter than the week before.

We had the Tokyo terror in goals who brought the composure and distribution that we needed at the baseline.

We had sleepy-eyed Hannan, his stoner evangelism dripping off him like anal leakage and causing the opposition to slide disconsolately into oily befuddlement.

And we capitalised on their befuddlement with goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal.
That made 10.

Myself and the lumberjack littered the goal mouth with a hat trick a piece. The captain and the purple head knocked in two each.

The opposition were enthusiastic and hungry although lacking in skills. Somewhat like the nannas you might think? But what do the nannas have in spades that this team lacks?

EXPERIENCE! That’s right kid, the nannas have experience. WHERE IT COUNTS. Under the hood. When the nannas actually manage to get that creaky engine to work, it hums, it glides, it purrs, it sizzles.

And there’s only so far hunger and enthusiasm can take you when you’re toe to toe with the hummingglidingpurringsizzling nanna meat machine.

That’s how we won it. We got our engine on. Thanks in no small part to the captain’s stirring halftime speech. Which was received in it’s entirety without the outrageous slings and arrows of interjection. Swallowed whole into the collective nanna cerebellum like a guinea pig into a gryphon’s putrid maw.

Example: the writer, from the sideline near the D; “Hinkley, header!” The ball sails the distance of the court, kisses the captain’s precise forehead and boo.. Yaah! Goal!

That’s all for now. Drinking with cocky and Rhian for cockys fortieth.

Nannas 0 Vs Vagabundos 5

AW, JH, GF, RH, TH1, TK(G MOM)

End of the year game. First game in the new season. Everyone just started Xmas holiday. Excitements for the end of the year break. Some of the Nannas were already vacation. Just before the end of Maya calendar. Venus is alined and empowering the human harmony. Stars shining. Busiest month in the life for everybody. Many Xmas parties already. The chance to go to the top of the ladder. Sense of the fresh start. Hope of miracles happen. Thinking all games have played. Thinking the years we spent. Looking the book documented the spirits of Nannas. Imagining all game we will play in the future. It was certainly best year for Nannas.

See you in 2013. Heading to Mimosa Rocks today

Nannas 5 Vs Pornstars 10

AW, DC2, JH, GF, RH, TH1, TW1, TK(G MOM)

Early and hot. It was reported as the deadly hottest day in November last 100 years. It went around 42 degrees. The traffic rage was reported as 140%. Certainly we loved the 6pm game.
Brain damage from a fever will not occur unless the fever is over 42C for an extended period of time. I wonder how long it is. I am not sure about my brain function but I want to be sure of the functions of my ball.

We had a best intention for the game. like we do for the finals. Really committed Nannas were on the field before 6pm for the warm up and we chased the opponent like hounds.

The result was loss but we had great speedy goals supported by magic pass works. We simply just needed more of them. I felt that the game was even first half. They gradually scored more than us and we had few slow defenses to let the guys in. We ended this season at the bottom of the ladder. We recharge our batteries and come back as the old lion riding on stallion.

Unfortunately, I missed the beach beer burger bonX session after this. Wait for the picture from the other Nannas.

The  Nannas vs Sth Melbourne afc

3.   –     4

DC1, RH, TW, TH. JH1, TK, CG mom1

A glorious performance rolls around in my head just like it was yesterday. As our seasons was on of the crapest and least brown, this was one of those games we really shoulda woulda win.

We applied the brown heat all night and even threatened an avalanche, BUT it was not to be.  Maybe it was the lack of the reach around, maybe it was the lack of the chassy in the map of Tassie move, or maybe it was the lack of  the extreme Greek. Whatever it was we fell just that little bit short.

The night was turned around by the loud call from JIM for KoRHIAN. There were groans but we all accepted the porking like men.

Lacking the cape we did what we had to and rounded off the night laughing like fools

Here are some other missing pics.

Nannas 4 Vs Forfeit Team 7

DC, JH(1), AW, GF, TK(G), TW(3)

It was touted as the Nannas A team going out there to make things right for so many wrongs in this season. And I’d have to say we certainly had that look for the first half. Some nice solid passes, some moving into space and general awareness of where we were meant to be. It did help that the other team were a bit tired from a previous game.

The second half started off ok but we quickly lost power and allowed the opposition to make fools of us with some easy goals. We stopped checking our defence and left Kondo alone on a number of costly occasions. We certainly had them most of the time but unfortunately the scoreboard told a different story and really that is what counts at the end of your 36 min (just ask the Spanish futsal team).

I think it imperative that every Nanna watch some futsal vids during the week before every game for inspiration on how the game should be played.

There was a full cheer squad of too many kids to count. Dinner was for 3 Nannas and 7 kids in the gardens with fish & chips and beer while the sun went down. Nice.

DC (MOM), JH (MOM), TH, RH, AW

Nannas 1 play Hampton FC 3

We lost this one in the first thirty seconds. Tommy our keeper hadn’t arrived (so obviously it’s all his fault). I was going to deputise, warming up by getting people to kick balls at me. But then Phil noticed we were a man down and stepped up to do the honours. So, we lined up as five but we weren’t really five, not in spirit anyway. We were more dazed, casual bystanders, watching as our opponents put two very quick and easy goals passed us. I remember feeling at the time that this is how the Nannas will play for evermore: slow, limp, non-moving, non-competitive, almost not there. I remember also apologising to Phil like, shit sorry man, we are really crap.

But then Tommy showed up and for some reason we awoke. I am not sure if it was his presence (if he had been there from the beginning things could have been so different; it’s so all his fault), or if it was us going behind to those two early goals.

So, we started to play and for the rest of match we were good. Our passing and movement seemed to benefit from our limited number. Or maybe it was those who were playing (a new Nanna A perhaps), or maybe it was being on court all match that gave us cohesion and momentum. The only sticking point was their goalie: he was hard to beat. The Captain (he truly is a beautiful man) did it once but no one else could. I remember being one on one with their shot stopper about four or five times and each time he beat away my shot or shut me down before I got a chance to shoot. I also remember another three or four that I pinged from outside three-point range, only for him to again beat them away.

Talking about goalies, Tommy had a very good night in goals (he shoulda been there from the beginning, things could have been so different). He was pulling out saves from everywhere (he surely would have stopped those two early ones).  It was like having Gilla in goals but without the hair and funk (and Tommy is better looking too). But then I fucked him (Tommy, that is). Their keeper was coming out of his goals, taking pot shots at our goal from halfway and beyond. From one of these shots, I kinda felt like an opponent was behind me, and that it would be a good idea to stick out a foot to try to deflect it. As I said to Tommy after, it was only half a thought, which are the worst kind, because I only succeeded in deflecting the ball past Tommy and into our goals (this was my fault and I take full responsibility). This was very bad for us (and I was post match very surprised when I was named MOM, given this transgression), for only minutes before the Captain got his goal, and we were looking likely to overrun them.

Everyone hates losing to the Annual.

DC 3, GF, JH (mercy fuck MOM), RH, AW, TW

Nannas 4 play St Kilda 10

T’was a chastening night for the Nannas. We met a somewhat recent foe, but one we had had success against not so long ago, not least in the granny at the end of last year. On that occasion we held their attack in check and got quite a few goals our self (with Chassy playing out of his skin).

This time out, while our attack was serviceable if not brilliant, we had no Chas and we did not hold them in any way shape or form at the back.

The first half was predicable. We were strong and true, letting in a couple (at least one by the keeper was very soft, who completely misjudged the strength of a shot) and got a few of our own.

Cocky had a better night of it, as compared with last week. He snared a couple from pure persistence, dispossessing opponents deep in their half and making them pay each time.

Tao too got on the scoresheet in the first half, running from deep around most of their team to pop up in front of goals and slot home: the goal of the match, from this correspondent’s point of view.

Half time score, 4-3 (I think).

Second half

Then the second half happened and with it about three or four early goals to the opposition. The Nannas need to concentrate on their second half starts, as this is not the first time we have been competitive leading in to the break but out the other side, very quickly letting the game slip from our grasp.

Captain pointed out after the game that most of their team can run, pass, dribble and generally play soccer. An interesting comment. Obviously the point being that some/most Nannas can’t, or the opposition can do all these things better than us. Probably a fair point but for most of the first half we definitely held our own. What was more evident though, was that the Nannas did start to drop their intensity in the second half. There were couple of times when Nannas could be see standing around watching the play instead of being an active participant in it. This is where the Nannas have become less competitive this year, as teams usually find they can run over the top of us in the second half as the Nanns start to flag, or generally become disinterested in the contest.

Upper management recommendation #1
All Nannas take part in conditioning and competiveness training pre-season.

 Goalie’s point of view.

First, it should be said that about three or four goals the goalie let in were particularly soft. He does need to have some time having people kick soccer balls at him at pace, from up close, from range, from all different angles, from crosses, from volleys, from everywhere if he is going to be a regular stand in for other Nanna keepers.

On the flip side, it was interesting to see the difference this keeper made in terms of distribution. Usually the Nannas live off scraps, a lot of long balls trying to pull off the Nanna Sucker Punch™, or see the opposition’s goal or the wall above their goal peppered (this is especially true when our first-choice keeper plays). But when the Nannas get a bit more regular and consistent ball, and if they run to space and their efforts are rewarded with a pass, they do start to get interested in playing, trying to string passes together, link and run; they do start to get some confidence in their foot skills and their play does become somewhat less haphazard and more controlled.

Upper management recommendation #2
All keepers go through distribution training, which will involve classes on: taking the best option; controlling the pace of the game; being an option at the back; limited but strategic use of the Nanna Sucker Punch™; throwing to a Nannas’ chest, head or feet and knowing when and how to accomplish these; knowing when to put the ball at a Nannas’ feet or out in front of him, that is, identifying when a team mate is moving and then choosing the appropriate way to pass to him; the look away; the feint; the cut out; the loop; the weighted drop; the all out throw; the worm burner; the head hunter; the chest tickler; the curve ball; the leg and off break; the off the opposition’s goalies goal; the Garry Owen; and last but not least, when the goalie should come out of his area.

His name isn’t Lionel but The Captain lights it up none the less, ‘cos that’s how the nannas roll when they’re 40.

nb: actual post date 22 Nov 2012 (backdated for your viewing pleasure)

DC, GF, JH 3 (MOM), TH 1, RH, TK

Nannas 4 play ??? 6

Five things we learned about the Nannas

1. GHBG may be dead
   Chas has been going on about the Nans playing clean for years now, and from last night’s evidence he may have a point. The two main standard bearers for the unclean approach, Jim and Ghee, abstained pre-game, as a control. Well, Jim hit three fairly good goals and Ghee, although he didn’t get on the scoresheet, was a tower of strength in defence.
   Of course the third standard bearer for GHBG, Cocky, was a shadow of himself, playing a particularly shit game. So there may be evidence for some Nans to GHBG and some to not.  Further testing will be conducted.
2. The Nannas are in a funk
   Maybe it because we were up against four at the start of last night’s game (which always lures us in to a false sense of security), maybe it was the earliness of the fixture, maybe it was because Cocky is working on a very big and complex project at the moment, or that RMIT really has gotten to Ghee and Jim, or that the Coach and Captain have been pulling too many late nighters due to their respective birthdays. Whatever it was the Nannas were awful last night, especially in the first half. We were slow, we stood around for half the game waiting for the ball to come to us. There was no passion, no enthusiasm, little in the way of that special Nanna hunger and anger that usually makes us competitive.
3. Don’t get on the wrong side of the coach
   Well, the Coach was angry. First he was seen arguing with the ref, and then he began yelling at the Nannas. But after that he soon found a place to really vent his fury, which was at a member of the opposition. His first entanglement with him, early in the second half, saw Coach trip his prey over and then land on top of him. But that wasn’t enough for the Coach, for after a penalty was given he did pretty much the same thing on the way back to stand on the mark, again using the object of his hatred to break his fall.
   That was only an entrée. He really went for this guy and not content to use him as a crash mat like he did twice before, he employed the now patented ball palm move and for good measure drove the dude’s head in to the hard floor of Wesley. The lesson: don’t get on the wrong of the Coach. He will tell you something different, but don’t be fooled, if you get him mad, he hurt you and hurt you, and hurt you again.
4.  The Nanna Achilles heal strikes again
   The Captain and Coach have work to do. The Nannas lost again last night due to our inability to hold on to the ball. Not only that, we gave away at least four very soft goals after passing to a direct opponent. At least two of these four goals, an opponent got the ball with only the keeper to beat, and there was one where the opponent didn’t even have to do that, all he had to do was shoot into an open goal.
   Usually kicking the ball away is something that our #1 keeper is guilty of (we have tried to implement the one in three rule but they don’t call him a small business owner for nothing), but last night striker felt it would be a good idea to kick the ball away. Of course Kondo gave one again too but after last night’s performance Cocky will struggle to hold his place next week.
5. The Nannas are losing games they should win
   Yes, they did have Phil in their team, who made a big difference. Yes, they did score one particularly good goal that I remember. Yes the Nannas started off real slow. Yes, we could have and probably should have put a couple past them in the first couple of minutes of the game when they were only four. But no, the Nannas aren’t playing that badly. We did pick it up in the second half, and put some moves together, got some goals, and for the most part held firm at the back. I know it smacks of coulda, woulda, shoulda, but we should have won this one. 

9-3 Loss to Hyderoos

DC, GF, CG, JH 1, TH 2 MOM

Once Old King Lion went on a secret mission. People didn’t know what he was doing. It was a very secret mission. It was hard for Old King Lion because he was a pretty friendly old lion and secrecy was not in his nature. But the mission was extremely important, perhaps the most important mission Old King Lion would ever undertake. The reward for success would be immense, but if he failed the consequences would be catastrophic. All of Old King Lion’s constituent parts were required to operate at the highest level, acting perfectly in synchronicity with the rest of the constituent parts, there was no margin for error or not giving 100% by even one of the constituent parts because that would wreck it for the rest of the constituent parts and if there’s one thing Old King Lion’s constituent parts never want to do it’s let down the other constituent parts. The secret mission was long and hard, and its nature was such that there was a very real danger of Old King Lion’s constituent parts would not act in perfect synchronicity and as a result the mission would fail. As the secret mission continued the constituent parts struggled to remain in perfect synchronicity, some of them grew tired, some of them did not have the skills, but despite the hardships they continued with the secret mission because it was so important, and despite the hardships they did manage to stay in perfect synchronicity, and you know what? Old King Lion completed that hard secret mission like a fucking hero. And each one of the constituent parts was a fucking hero. They had walked the tightrope of danger over the Niagra falls of doom and they didn’t fall off even though they probably should have.

Now at this stage most of you are like; ‘Coach… wtf are you talking about’, and some of you are probably like ‘um… have you been chroming’, and some of you might be just be thinking ‘…’ which is a neat way of representing a bewildered expression literarily that David Foster Wallace invented. Well my not so bright Nanna brethren this is what’s known as an analogy. We talk of one thing by illustrating it using another thing. ‘But what’, you ask, ‘is it analogous to (of?)? Well that’s the beauty of this analogy its analogous to(of?) a couple of things. Firstly it obviously speaks of the match this last week past, this is after all a match report. And last week the Nannas found themselves on a secret mission deep behind enemy lines, against a foe who had not lost a game, and the Nannas had to be 100% focused 100% of the time to win and we were and we did and we walked that tightrope of danger over the Niagra falls of doom and survived like heroes. But then it turned out that 100% of them time was only about the first half of the first half which we did successfully win, but we might have fallen of the tightrope a bit for the rest of the time and gotten mashed up and drowned pretty bad in the Niagra falls which are pretty serious falls. But that’s not important and not really the analogy I am talking about. What you need to remember is that a lion on a secret mission is a pretty crazy thing, lion’s don’t go on secret missions they just walk around eating whatever the fuck they want to eat, and what else do we know about Old King Lion? That’s right, he’s more of a Mind Lion than anything else. Remember when he was messing with physics and making the ball disappear on the field through brain power, remember when fought a gryphon on a mental mountain. Now do you see the secret mission we have been on? Now do you understand the clandestine undertaking we have be attempting all these long years. If I’ve done my job properly you won’t. At least not consciously, but deep in the hidden processes of your mind I have secretly programmed you to be better Old King Lion constituent parts, deep in your brain’s reptilian core you now have the key to truly become greater than Old King Lion constituent parts and become as one OLD KING LION.

THE NANNAS vs To be updated

2 : 5

CB1, JH, GF, RH, TH1, TK(Mom GK)

Well well well. This pitch of debney park reminds some kind of jail or caged place for the fight.
So we perform well at this place always as it has our flavor. The game started our lead. CB and TH pushed long goal in and the score ended 2-1.

Somehow we lost 2 goals quickly at the start of the second half. It was such a tough time for myself. I felt like a 2 knock down just happened after the winning round. We stood up well but could not get more score after. It was a really good game for the passing and communicating. We had some positive feeling even we lost the game.

The cook was CB. He took us to Laksa King then all of us had different kind of laksa noodles. Everyone was very satisfied by the performance of the place. Probably all gave highest 6 points.
It was some kind of strange good night after the loss. Strange. I was lucky this was not the cage fight uses other things.

Victory is only way to survive this world.

Nannas (5) plays Hampton FC (3)

CB (1), DC (2), GF, CG, JH (1), RH, TH,  TW

MOM: JH

Well, we pulled out a big win against an old foe. At the start of the game it didn’t seem probable. Even though it was an early one, 6 pm, we were gaping at eight, and they call it gaping for a reason. What’s more, Tao and I weren’t talking after a mid-week tiff. And the first words that came out of Chas’s mouth when he saw me were, ‘the last time I spoke to you, I called you a dick.’

Yes, there were fractures in the Nanna outfit but these were definitely off-field fractures. As we lined up for the first whistle five men shaped themselves into a team, a brown hue descended over the hallowed halls of Wesley, and the Nanna cheer squad started its shrill sound track.

The Nanns got off to a strong start with Cocky slotting home after a triangle of passing starting at back. 1 zip. Then they pulled one back when the ball dropped fortuitously for their striker to steady and shoot. 1-1. Then they got another as there was some slack marking at the back: one Nanna trailed his direct opponent in front of goal. The ball came in, the opponent scored and the said Nanna could be seen hanging his head all the way back to the start line. 2-1.

Then came our second, which the Captain got. I vaguely remember him being one on one with the keeper and slotting home. But that’s all I remember. Because it is the Captain, I am more than sure that the lead up involved him taking down a couple of the opposition and putting some moves on the rest on his way to goal. 2 apiece.

Then came our third, which was somewhat controversial. The lead up went like this. Chas took the ball from the back. I was to his left in acres of space. I demanded the ball, I pleaded for it, I begged. But Chassy went looking for something else, not finding it. Then, on our very next play, Chas again took the ball from the back. This time I wasn’t in acres of space but the Captain was, not only that, the Captain was in a perfect position to attack the goal. Again Chassy took another option, slamming home a shot from about half way. It is true that I chastised Chassy for his options, saying something like ‘it’s a good thing you scored Chassy,’ bumping him with my shoulder. Chassy, on a high after such a classy goal, was understandably aggrieved. And it befalls me to again apologise to Chassy. He did score a corker taking us to a half time lead of 3-2 (all’s well that ends well).

The second half started with the Nannas going further in front. The keeper, I can’t really remember what he was trying to achieve, came out of his goals and tried with a long pass to find a teammate. I got in the way of that pass and seeing that he was out of his goal, endeavoured to pop it over his head on the way to the back of his net. The ball did bounce up nicely for me, and even though I was facing askew, which at the time seemed to increase the level of difficulty, from the moment I hit it I knew it was home.  4-2.

At this stage of the game a couple of things started to happen. The Nannas became slow on defence, more standing around than taking an active interest in running back with their opponents. And the enemy started to come at us. These two things brought on a number of notable events. First there was Gilla, all on his own against two of them, sliding out of his area, saving an almost certain goal, but giving away a penalty in the process. In a lot of ways I am not surprised their striker couldn’t find the target from the ensuing penalty. Gilla is big if anything in goals, with a special ability of being able to thrown his body horizontal in a split second. He also has a way of applying pressure without even trying. If you have ever played golf with him, you will know what I mean.

Second, Gilla was called on to defend another penalty, again not his fault. The Captain passed it back to me, and two of the enemy ran at me. I got caught in the headlights, I froze, and all I could do was turn my back on the advancing hoards, succeeding only in coughing up possession. Gill did his best from the scuffle that followed but he was outnumbered and on the back foot, fouling both of them who came at him. Then he lined up for another penalty: he got his hands to it, he took a lot of pace of it, he almost deflected it outside the goals. Almost. 4-3.

Up until this point in the second half we were like old king lion trying to have an afternoon snooze in the sun, and they, like an annoying insect, kept buzzing around us, trying to bite us. They came again, again and again. But (for the most part) old king lion kept them at arms length with his massive paw, patiently waiting for his moment to rise and strike out at his annoyer. That moment came as they buzzed at us one last time but lost the ball mid-court. It fell to me. I had a Nanna on each side of me as I strode forward, and only the keeper in front. As their goal stop came at me, I slid a pass left to Cocky who put it away. 5-3.

Apart from a mild skirmish, initiated by me, that’s the way it ended.

Then we went for Vietnamese soup noodle and beer. I went home well satisfied.

Special mention goes to Fraser. He still stands too much on his heels, especially when the ball is coming at him, but there were very deft touches from the big man. His foot skills are definitely improving.

Special mention to Tao and Chas. I will try to lighten up on the (good natured) abuse in flurry land (not that you don’t deserve it).

THE NANNAS vs Tom and Jerry

4 : 6

DC1, CG, GF1, RH, TW1, TK1

Nannas were running well.

So much running this evening. It was like the cartoon show I liked when I was a kid.

In the reality, a mice can’t beat a cat but is it true??
Some books say that fighting ability of a cat is equal to a mankind. Because cats bring better aggressive instinct.

Is it true? This sounds right to me. Possibly.. If we know how to use everything we have, we can kick any ass really.

However I liked the friendship of the cat and the mice showing their love through the violence. Real friendship is always tough. There is a myth related to the last episode of the program in my country. It goes like this “The mice challenged a slow looking cat after his best enemy cat passed away. He thought he can use same tricks to beat up the cat but non of the tricks worked. The mice finally noticed that his best enemy’s friendship in the slow cat’s jaw…

Don’t tell this to fans..

We were holding the balls well and matching up the speed and tightness against this young skilled team. We missed to stop several strikes as they were always moving to find the spot. We do remember this for the next game. The last half was even better than first half. Tighter mark next game gentlemen.

Great goal GF!

The kids at school used to call me SuperMiss, such was my perchant for uncoordinated misses of things.
And like Hans Gruber’s sole remaining relative would agree (if there was one and he was also in the burglary business), Old Habits Die Hard.
And so this missing habit, that I mentioned, became ingrained.
If I had one dollar for every time I heard “Ya missed it again huh Fraser? Too bad!”, I’d be a rich man.
But lately, that has all changed. I am delighted to announce my second man of the match in two weeks.
In the last year, I’ve got from sport pariah to sport Hero. But lets not make me sound like a dick with a swell head.
Lets just all acknowledge that I may be turning into a supernova or a superhero or something crazy.
The game itself was a suicide mission for the nannas, but as it was a forfeit fungame, which didn’t count, we can rack that up to training, and experience.
Men, that was the best game of any sport I’ve ever played. It felt like a demonic occupier with amazing soccer skills had possessed my form, and this macabre puppetmaster, was playing the game for me.
Or maybe it was the night beams meditation. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get possessed, but then, how the hell did I play like that? I kept going over it and over it…where did my speed come from, I’ve never had speed before. And then I figured it out.

Kettle Bells. What’s your weight?

8-4 SM AMC. CB(1) DC(1) JH(1) CG(G) RH GF(MOM 1) TW AW

I am just going to say right off the bat, I have no idea who got the goals for us, but I remember Chaz, sweet Chaz plastering the enemy goal with a massive corner shot. And I set one up for the Cockromancer, and figure he got another one, but, I don’t know. Tao might have got one. Stranger things have happened.

I’m feeling good about this season brother Nans. We’re using our heads and passing to make opportunities. Our defense is still a little out of whack, but on the whole we’re looking a lot tighter and more aggressive than we were the beginning of last season. So keep it up fellas, and let’s play like we are machine, with nanna pride. The pride a cougar knows. And one final thought, “night beams”.

After the game, everyone was like, “How the heck did we just get our asses kicked?” I still don’t know, but I think Woody shut our unit down, and we had men out there practically playing blind. You do not want to get field blindness. And the opponents are an interesting bunch. They are continually improving. Their learning curve is something to be considered, I wouldn’t say respected because they sucker punched us, but they certainly improve each week, and we need eyes on these guys.

If this was a cop movie, and the serial killer was playing games with the cop, and the cops partner would say to him, “This crazy fuck’s got a real hard-on for you Lt. McAllister”…well, these guys had a real hard-on for the Nannas. Metaphorically.

We went to Carolina and drank warm beer and ate pizzas and said adieu to Andy who bid fareWal to his friends.

THE NANNAS    v    THE LEGACY

9      :        2

GF1, CG1, CB2, RH3, TW2

This was the night that Every nanna scored and we smashed them. It will go down in the annals as one of the brownest moments in Nanna history. We were only five men and it was a week we HAD to win to get in the finals.

All the cards were on the table and we knew exactly what we had to do.

To make things more beautiful it was a three way tie for mom!

THE NANNAS v St KILDA

5    :      2

CG1, AW, TW1, TH, GF, JH1, CB1, RH1

The gaping eight. The nannas faced off against the top of the table and showed the lader just who the real contenders were. Eight brown men who passed the ball like it was on fire. Just the one touch, cross court, high lobs, headers, back heals. You name it the Nannas made it happen. All but the reach around got down for this game.

Admittedly st kilda missed a payer or two, but hell, we were missing Takeshi AND Crooked, did you hear us whinge? NO. We played foir the colour brown. The game was insanely good with the Nannas taking it to another brown level. Past light brown and straight to deep brown.

We love the nannas.

The nannas love to win again.

This was the night we touched the big brassy. Thats right it was the HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE That DEMANDED our attention after the gig. A few nanna’s couldn’t make it but most found out that they had the one of the nights of their life. The eight brothers that played brass instruments were joined by a drummer and these guys dropped a super tight beat all night long. The nanna’s danced and laughed and danced again and realised that funky brass music might be their calling. At least I’m sure it was Guy who professed the deepest love and then as all the Nannas were rapping with gabriel the trumpet player he discovered how artistic all Aussies (and kiwis) were. Repping the goodness men! 

7-3 ? v French Vikings ?

DC4m •, JH3 • CGgk • TW • CB • GF • RH

The Captain’s return and another resounding win for the nannas. The early game was a forfeit so we ended up playing the same team as last week. Originally thought to be of Scandinavian extraction, what with their long blonde trusses, turns out they were in fact francophones.

Anyway, it was pretty much business as usual. Jim slammed in two of his now trademark corner shots, one from each end of the court this time. These were added to by another fro Jims second hat-trick in a row. Le Coq sportif had to go one better than last week and put in 4 with notable assists from BestLooking (especially the last one, textbook, I think it was 5 passes , starting with Giller in goal, cross court twice, then a final cross super tight and low from Tao… tap in.) I also have to mention the corner, I was kind of hiding in the shadows by the wall completely unmarked, some nice decoy running from the nannas in the circle and then jim laid it off into so much space i could run right round the ball and shoot with the right… nice. It should also be mentioned that they also had a ring in who was having a bad day in goal, at one point he rolled the ball out straight to a waiting nanna who kicked it straight back into the goal. nice.

P&O Gill were supporting and dinner was cancelled due to a few factors but a handful of Nannas (well a hand with only 4 fingers) went to UAE and drank  pomegranate juice and ate lamb. We were meant to listen to the captains stories from his European coach ride but The 4 hour mark had passed an as everyone knows the international rule of listening to travel stories is only 25mins, so we instead talked of things local and trival ( and software), luckily I had heard a few from Tessa earlier.

datestamp: Tapatalk is a piece of junk • Retina display will take 4 weeks to deliver • CS6 is killing it • London Olympics open in a week *yawn* • More talk of Rudd ousting Gillard *yarn* • ASG commission goes up to 50% *gulp* • Cheezles begins watching blocking vids • TheFunkyNanna becomes a label mogul (this is old, but news to the author) • dude dressed as batman goes postal in a US cinema during a midnight screening of  Nolans #3, Christan Ble flies in to console victims •

Another mighty win for the nanna A team, 6-3, two hat-tricks, some nice passing, jim obeying the golden rule and hitting them real sweet, giller making very upper nanagement like sounds at the halftime pep talk, some tired legs in the second half, a new ref, a vist from Phil and to top it off a go-pro time lapse to document it all… Yay

3-6 Win Vs Sth Melb AMC

CG (G), DC (3)(MOM), JH (3), GF, TK, TW (MOM)

It was a great night for the Nanna’s A++ team. This new group of guys have come out of the wood work, possibly from the level below, and were looking good with a few players that seamed to know what they were doing. We let them get the better of us a few times and that proved costly…… for a while.

Le Coq put a few nice ones in and then assisted in 2 lovely passes from the same corner to give Jim the opportunity to slam a couple of identical looking goals. Both Jim and Dan made hat tricks on the night.

Dan’s cook was fantastic as he took us to the sister pub to the Station Hotel in footscry but this one is in Sth Melbourne. Fine beer and good steak. Though I had the fish and chips. Still very good. Kondo chose well and had the mussels while Cheazles had a burger.

3-4 v Pornstars

GF (2 MOM), DC (MOM), TK (MOM), CG, JH (1),TH, AW

It was a great game to be noted. Nannas was leading the game till last 5 min against this known outlaw p gangs. The score was 3-2. Our solid 3 goals were giving us time to breath and space to play.

Only problem was they got a header goal just 20cm in front of me. Holy shit, I should have moved a second faster and smashed the head and punched the ball. That was the moment when a sniper find the enemy sniper pointing you corner of his sight or a boxer receiving KO hook when he missed the uppercut. This changed all story of the night.

Team, thanks for the MOM…

Lesson from this for me was “when you strike, fucking strike extra hard”

2-5 Loss to VJFC

CB, CG (G), GF, JH, TH (1), TW (1)(MOM)

It’s been a long time between MOMs and I would have to say the match report heading protocol has gone to shit. Even Striker, usually the most outspoken about such things, couldn’t get it right. No wonder Cheezles’ heading was a bit mixed up. Mind you he did, amazingly, manage to get some of it right.

Now back to the game. It was always going to be a hard one against a pretty decent opponent especially when they were sporting a new, possibly imported, player who had some very nice moves.

We held our own for most of the match. Coach put away our first from a nice cross goals pass from your truly. I was on the receiving end of a nice pass from Jimbob and managed to sneak one passed the goalie off my left hitting the bar and ending up in the other side of the goals. My heart did miss a beat at that moment.

Unfortunately we left our opponents alone a few 2 many times and in our desperation to get an equalising goal instead allowed them to get 2 more.

We had a new ref who could have been a bit harsher with the cards, instead giving me one for a bit of lip. None the less he was very good, no matter what Gilla says. Hopefully Gill won’t scare this one away.

I am very sorry Nannas but it has come to this.

Score
Nannas 1 play … 2

Attendance:
CB, GF, CG, JH (1), RH, TK, AW, TW

MOM
JH

Possession
Nannas: 51%
Opposition: 49%

Time in opposition half
20 minutes.

Passing (including restarts)
CB: 15
GF: 5
CG: 25
JH: 15
RH: 15
TK: 10
AW: 10
TW: 15

Passes completed
40%

Multiple passes completed
10%

Shots
Nannas: 8
Opposition: 6

Shots on target
Nannas: 4
Opposition: 5

Corners
Nannas: 5
Opposition: 6

Free kicks
Nannas: 4
Opposition: 3

A quick snapshot of the game this week, and for the last few weeks
This is usually how the game goes: we dick around before the game (a few of us too cool to take it seriously); as the ref blows his whistle for kick off we scramble to get five on court; we start slowly almost surprised that we are actually in a competitive contest; the opposition take advantage of our confusion, usually getting a couple of goals; the Nannas get in to a bit of a we are going to get beat again funk; Gilla starts pinging from range; a few decisions start to go against us; Tao gets angry and starts lashing out; Chas and Captain start trying moves that even Lionel Messi wouldn’t contemplate; I yell at Tao to shut up, and get angry with Chas and Captain and Gilla for that matter for continually kicking the ball away; by this time the opposition has got about three or four, while we have wasted any ball, momentum or good will we ever had toward each other; Guy will give one of those the Nannas are fucking crazy/we have lost again/what’s the point? looks; at half time everyone wants to be captain, while the Captain struggles to give us a pep talk; by the time the second half rolls around we are playing better but there is no composure or control, so while we might be doing better in defence we are never going to crack them open in attack, not consistently anyway.

Plusses (well sort of)
There is still fire in the belly
If all the shouting, yelling, pushing and shoving are anything to go by, the Nannas still have the desire to play the game and the fire in the belly for battle. If only we could harness that aggression and anger and direct as a combined force against our enemy.
Or maybe some Nannas have come to the conclusion that they will never win again, and their only option is getting all bent out of shape at the opposition and the ref. One Nanna comes to mind here.

Defence is not the problem
This week we played against a team that had a lot more cohesion in terms of their passing and movement. Yet they only scored two goals. You can put probably two very fine saves from Gilla as the main reason it did not go to four against us but as a team we did hold them pretty well.

Issues
‘We are now the old and angry men.’
This quote comes to us from the Captain, and while it is arguable that he should do more to quell the rampant Nanna fury on court, he is right. The Nannas are indeed turning into a rabble, lashing out at everything and everybody, but mostly each other.
Composure, as Chassy says, is something that all the Nannas need to come to grips with. There were two main offenders on this evening (no names Tao or Gilla), and a third if his comment yelled at Chassy is to be taken into account (yes, that was me).

The stats do not lie.
We get plenty of ball. We just really suck at using it: our passing is truly shit; the options we take are worse (something that Gilla has to get his head around). It burns us every time.
The new Nanna creed: hold on to the ball or kick it to a teammate; don’t kick it to no one, or to the opposition.

The self put down
It was just under six months ago that the Nannas put out an under-strength team but still managed to take the title, beating all comers with guts, skill and teamwork. But all you hear after every game these days is, ‘they were really young, and really fast.’ Or the old chestnut, ‘Gee, they had some pretty sweet moves,’ said like some pimply teenager admiring his older brother who has just got himself a girlfriend.
Think about this bitches: we really aren’t that old and most times the opposition aren’t really that young or fast or skilful, and none of us have any serious injuries that we have sustained that are really starting to take their toll, crippling us now. But more to the point: if you think you are too old and slow and not up to it, then don’t play.

THE NANNAS vs

2                    :                    7

DC, AW, TW, TH, CG, TK, RH

We played these guys last week. Although last week we won the forfeit we chose to give these guys a little run around. Well. Last week it was a 7 – 1 loss. So if my maths is right it looks like last night was a bit of a win for the Nannas. Well done lads.

We made them look like a little bit of a bunch of idiots this week huh! We doubled our goal load on their asses!

We had a special coach last night. Someone who was coming off a little bit of a win for himself as well. Just a touch too tender to enter the battle field. Well his guidance was obviously a factor in our practical win.

All Nannas played with a pride and a fury that we come to expect from our boys. Dan was massive up front, Rhian was hard like a captain. Andy was a slippery greek as always. Tom had a slick look and a hard foot. Kondosan ran like a treadmill. Tao looked incredulous, often. I was there.

Still we are up high on the ladder, deny us that, THE ANNUAL!

Cooking was mine and I tried for a seven at the Burlesque Bar on Johnson St. Tao gave me one and everyone else looked embarrased. Chassy was missed, on the court and dancefloor. Luwow was underwhelming. Thank god we are not voting (except for Tao)

THE NANNAS vs NAMELESS BITCHESS

Forfeit – sweet brown victory

CG, RH, GF, DC, AW, TW, TH

I left Melbourne on Saturday morning at 6:45 am. it was sleetingly sad to leave but Brisvegas called. A man weekend with a difference. A footy trip. Three men, one game and 24 hours to do it. Walking off the plane at 9:30am the 20 degrees was to be the coldest point of the day. After a superfine breakfast and perhaps my fourth coffee of the day we rocked into the hotel room.

A minute nanna nap and we were off, to see Brisbane town. As it was by now 27 degrees, the volleys felt like Douglas Mawson had dressed me. I had to get some thongs. Luke and I took off the shoes and went looking for some thongs at the nearest chemist or even, god forbid, shoe store. Dan really wanted to just eat lunch, but we needed thongs. We walked and walked, we went through, malls, thorough museums, through amazing massive pools that were full of people swimming. Some, rather beautiful in their routine. Us, however, we kept walking. I think we did up to 12 kms though town and about 3 hours later we were happy and truely believed that we had seen, or rather felt the city.

Our walking took us to a park on Boundary Road that was an unofficial Aboriginal tent embassy of sorts. There was an enternal fire and sacred ground was all around. We stayed on the oval, with the fire and the day felt complete.

It was a good day.

Oh, there is also a massive phallic tower there that was built by STEPHAN, the towns most successful hairdresser, during EXPO 88. It is very funny, and bulbous. There are wack lights that flash at some times. Weird times. I heard from three different sources that the lights were to represent the arrival of huge ecstasy shipments, therefore it must be true right.

Collingwood won. 

Post feast chatter

Nannas     v      VJFC

1                  v            5

GF (1), CG (M), TW, DC, AW, JH

It was a fine night, in the end. The game started off rather shaky with one of the least powerful flurries ever. The Nanna’s looked shaky, but still we formed as the brown cloud of respect that we do. I must say the VJFC were a good team, not only was the game hard, but it was fair, except for Jim who nearly went to court apparently.

The game was really an avalanche of pain for us. We got hammered all night. It was not  that pretty, until of course when there was about one minute to go. In a blur of passing fury the nannas moved the ball up to the only nanna who had the stones to put one in. It was the newly appointed Geezer, Ghee the whinging pommy bastard, the  maggot from the ol blighty, the queens servant, the earls court rat. Guy Fraser. As he kicked the goal, he also spat out a mouthfull of blood. He must have taken a hit somewhere, but it all happened in slow mo. It was memorable.

Afterwards things got crazy. When we hit Lou’s opening, the only thing I remember is that Kano was calling out, “Is that Z-Bug, Is that Z-Bug? He’s a legend.” To us he is just Andy, the greek defender, the one to always order another fried banana. The sneakiest of the nannas. For the cook Jim walked us down the classy alley towards the finest xiao long bao’s in town.

Xiao Long Bao – Shanghai Steamed Soup Dumplings



Probably the worst season ever although it does fail to note we won our last game