Category Archives: Uncategorized

Match Report 080515

AW, CG, DC(2), TH, TW(2), RH(1), TK
(MOM – TW & TK)

Nanna’s Vs Bulls 5-9
It was very late game 2240 at the pit. The 7 of brown Nannas turned up with the friendly smiles for the referees and the passions to beat them up respectfully. We were in good shape to cooperate as the team and pushed the Bulls to the corner quite few times.
At the first half, our tight defence blocked the counter charges of the Bulls well. The king of the goalie Gilla saved several almost unstoppable goals. But unfortunately, the game was started from the goals from the Bulls. We moved the defence line to the front to play more aggressively and it changed the balances of the game. We cut out their attackers from the back side and DC & TW squeezed in the beautiful goals. The good tight marks were hustling the opponent defenders and we ended up having 2 penalty goals. TW and RH were very calm and kicked the ball like “Sushi Master slicing the Sashimi”
Well, the Bulls had great skills as usual and goaled 9 and we chased it up to 5 goals to keep us brown. Very good game indeed.

MATCH REPORT 080508

JH(3), DC(2), AW(1), TK(GK), TW(MOM)

Nannas v Lola 6-12

It was a mighty fight the Nanna’s put up but the new team came out, mostly in the second half, with a bit more class than we were able to match. While there was some Nanna gold it wasn’t quite enough. Jim put away 3 very nice goals though he tried very hard to give one back by admitting to the ball hitting his hand ever so slightly. Got learn to shut it sometimes Jimbob.

MATCH REPORT 010508

Nannas v S & P

3 – 5

CG(1), JH(1), DC(1), AW, TK

MOM CG

I think a few nannas went into this game with a “put us down a grade” mantra repeating in their heads. This did not reflect, for a second, in our performance, but it was there, hidding in their minds.

There is still fun in defeat and I think last night we experienced that “fun”. We came off the courts with a smile….knowing we could have won, we had a chance, we came back from a long way down and touched them….but then they touched us again!

The Nannas account was opened for the NINTH SEASON by the goalie, it was agricultural but we’ll take it. At half time we were 3 – 1 down, and the mantra was silently resonating. However, a Nanna never says “stop whipping me bitch” so the Nannas put on a hustling display that would have made a sheep dog hard! They didn’t get in any shots for ages, all the while Jim sneaked in a cheaky monkey corner in off type thang. Then Dan ripped a beast from the east….3 all!!!

See how close we came!! With about 4 minutes to go we could taste it… Then they got two quick ones…ah what could we do. We saw the top of the mountain, but just couldn’t make it there…

Still the NANNAS that where brown enough to make it did VERY well!! Hoild your heads up high brown men!

Hopefully next week, we might get some subs!

Match Report 080410

TH (1), DC, JH, TK(GK), TW(1)(MOM)

Nanna’s Vs Thursday Knights 2-9

Well it was a tight fighting Nanna’s that went out to try and prove something on the last game of the season before the finals. Need I tell you the Nanna’s are not in the finals and it wasn’t the worst defeat by the Nanna’s but neither was it a close one. I’d say we tried some of the time and ran our little legs down to the knees but it wasn’t enough. Tom poked a ripper goal from way out that left the goalie wondering what the happened. Tao found himself surrounded by opposition in front of the goals and facing the wrong way and with not much else to do back healed it in for our second and final goal. There were some great saves from the gallant Takeshi Kondo but too often it was left to him to save the day and there’s only so much one man can do.

Till next season Nanna’s get out in the yard and start practising. In the way to work take a ball and dribble dribble dribble.

Match Report 080313

2-11 Vs The Bulls

TK[GK] JH DC[1] AW RH TW[1, MOM]

Oh crap. I reckon we need to bring a laptop to the pub from now on and whoever gets mom writes it there and then. I can’t remember shit from last week.

I know we started off pretty well. Keeping the stinking refs goal scoring to a minimum in the first half. Tao scored first blood after some very tasty passing around goals by the Nannas. Dan took the second goal and that was about the last time the ball saw the back of the net for us. That’s not to say the ball didn’t get to see the back of the net a fair bit more just always seemed to be at the wrong end. Second half saw the refs step up and start scoring like we know they can. Even when half their team were screaming at each other all of us couldn’t stop one of their players from scoring.

Should there be an independent ref come in to ref the refs team when we play the refs??

MATCH REPORT 080228

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY MATCH REPORT SYSTEM (Not a test really. This is for real. This is what we’ve trained for.)

Holy sh1t Nannas there i was in my kitchen holding the modem/router going this piece of junk doesn’t fit in the toaster (ie it’s toast), ie the whole friggen internets is gone just up and fvcked off from my bedroom. Then I attempt a remote login, but the server is not recognising me. I’m hacking command line like a lesbian at a rug grooming convention but nothing. (Some of the less poindextrous of the Nannas may be lost about now) I’m right in the citrix kernel of some secure apache server deep under the Nevada desert in an old salt mine, zero’s and one’s just flying by my eyes like some bad hyperspace effect from the 70’s, but nothing. Ixnay on the postskay. What is a Nanna to do when faced with such an obstacle to his sworn duty? Order another mojito and say ‘so it goes’? No! He places upon his head his resourcefulman’s hat and offers up results and not excuses. So hereby goes the match report for last week so that all may see and be satisfied of it’s existence and that it may be posted to it’s rightful place as soon as my internets comes back or I work out what ‘command line’ means.

MATCH REPORT 080228

TK(GK) TH(MOM) DC(1 GOALS) RH TW AW JH

9 – 1 (We went down)

Man you should have been there, it was flippin’ hilarious! Captain rocked up with his right foot hanging on by half a tendon and some matted leg hair going “I’m right to play, really” as though it were naught but a bad Monty Python sketch. Then Cocky the prodigal Rudcock was like, “you’re schtick is weak. I’ve been in the old country too busy to write match reports, because I have been working on a whole bunch of new material that centre’s around sh1t dribbling out of my arse most of the time and then occasionally exploding forth in an hilarious punchline of fecal eruption”. And the Nannas were in agreeance that that was indeed some funny sh1t. The joke’s didn’t stop there, in fact they continued apace onto the field and sustained an uproarious hilarity for the duration of the match.

OK we went down. They avalanched us a bit at the end, and I reckon we were about 4-1 at one stage and not entirely out of contention. Teamwork was not in great evidence. Obviously if I am in contention for the MOM then our stars are not shining so bright. We were beat by a better team on the day who played a heap better than us. That is not to say we cannot beat them. We got a goal and kept our pants and that is something.

Match Report 2008_01_31

vs The Hyderoos 6-4 Win

CB 2, DC 2, AW 1, RH 1, CG, JH, TH

MOM CB

Ah.. the sweet and delicate flavour of victory. The first taste for the mighty brown men in 08. Up against the only other team in the division without a win under their belts, (our old nemesisians ‘The Hyderoos’) winning was crucial and crucially, we won.

CB and DC took a brace each, AW one with a textbook Walmartin Backdoor (invisible until he slotted it), RH one with a midcourt captain’s special net slammer.

We romped ahead to a 4-0 lead in the first half and then a mid-game slackening ensued enabling ‘The Hyderoos’ to pull back four goals and level the scores 4-4.

Hard to believe but true, we kind of dropped to their scrappy level and they clawed their way back to the cliff-top with us. However with a final couple of strokes we dropped them into their own enduring humiliation at the bottom of the table.

 

Match Report 2008_01_24

vs Bulls lost 11-8

CB 2, DC 3, TW 2, JH 1, AW, RH, TK, TH (Coach)

MOM CB, DC 6 votes

A big old T bone of a game against the rather talented Bulls was perhaps the Nannas finest loss to date (and quite possibly our highest scoring game ever; 19 goals in 36 minutes is more than one goal every 2 minutes).

They were good. They had the Balkan complete with lightspeed accelerant heels, the Salesman who could have sold vocal warm-up techniques to a bunch of deaf-mutes and others with skills and pace to rival the Nannas’ finest.

Did I say we lost? We lost. Can’t remember much else. But you’ve got the essentials.

 

 

Match Report 080124

vs Bulls lost 11-8

CB 2, DC 3, TW 2, JH 1, AW, RH, TK, TH (Coach)

MOM CB, DC

A loss, details of which I can’t really remember. So instead I’m going to tell a touching story of nanna brotherhood.

One night, a few weeks ago, Chas asked if I could help him load an oven he had recently bought on ebay into the back of his camry. The thought did occur to me that it would have to be a fairly tight fit but anyway, the oven was in Port Melbourne and he picked me up at about 8. I was about to walk out the door all free and easy but miri insisted I take the holy trinity of wallet, phone & keys. ok ok. So we’re in the car heading down punt road listening – as most readers would know, chassies movie always has a soundtrack – to a shuffling pod (that being claire’s iPod, the one with chas’s name engraved on the back) and I’m thinking – again – how it’s great to hear kool keith find his way to the top of the random shuffle pile… to be continued

have to leave now for the game, taking an extra set of undies as the pork dumplings i enjoyed earlier today with bozza have consequently induced vomiting and loose bowel movements… joy.

back again, god that was hideous. So anyway, we’re now driving through the city, and I’m vaguely aware that this is a rather indirect route to Port Melbourne. As we pull up at the lights on the corner of William and Collins, Chas looks over and thinks he sees someone who ‘could almost be Thomas’. I’m squinting (yes, i probably should wearing some kind of spectacle) and can just make out a figure at the tram stop who, though unrecognisable at this distance, is sort of leaning on the tram stop in a manner reminiscent of the coach. We hang a right and siddle past. Sure enough it is the coach who jogs down to meet us. Turns out Tom is heading to Elwood to meet George. Of course my first thought is let’s give Thermas a lift but knowing Chas’ general reluctance to deviate too far from his intended path I say nothing but that’s ok ‘cos Tom is doing all the suggesting. Chas is proving hard to convince but finally relents and Tom jumps in. Keen to hear more of Chas’s new ebay purchase I enquire as to the style of the oven, 6 burner , full fuckin’ hosting model, nice, and what brand ? Brand ? No one cares about the brand ! really ? Come on Chas, don’t you want some smeg in your kitchen ? no, no smeg. then what the hell is it, like promax or some dodgy… no no… who cares about brands cocky , jesus … well, ok then.

Half way down Kings Way Tom gets a call. George is now at the Espy, so we can drop him there which isn’t quite as far, is it. Apparently George is going on date and has asked Tom to come along to bolster his cool friend count or provide moral support or some such. Chas is speculating about some kind of bergerac role for Tom, then was some lewid talk involving whispered instructions which I shall not repeat. Though getting late, the sun is still high and St Kilda is doing a fairly passable impression of a groovy urban seaside hangout zone. Pulling up outisde the Espy I start working my charms on Chas, ‘c’mon… just one pot, chassis, c’mon…’. Unbeleivabley my powers of persuassion prove to much for chas and we park in the rock star park. Analysis of the parking meter reveals a cost of $2 an hour or $6 all day, Chas is looking confused and I see why, he has just put $5 in the machine, I mean how long does it take to drink a pot for crisake ? yeha yeah, what was I thinking…

Ok so thi sis where things start to get weird. we walk up the Espy and theres a bouncer at the street level. Tom walks through but the bouncer is unimpressed when we try to follow. “are you here for the gig ?”, err, no we’re just following our friend. Tom is at the top of steps beckoning. So I guess George must be going to this gig, finally we get through and then Tom starts pointing at the gig poster, wild gesticulating, WTF, Dr Octogan !!! ah man, how much would i love to see kool keith, but the oven… there’s no way chas is going to forget that, but he’s walking up to the door.. well ok let’s go and at least look in the door… Now tom has payed and what is this, chas is getting out his wallet, it’s 35 bucks, ther’s no way chas is going to payt $35 for one pot! The Tom says to teh door bitch “surely cocky has his name on the door” ? so she sort of does this cursory flip through and says yeah ?! nice one Tom, I can go halvies with Chas in this cunningly wangled ticket, which makes the post on;ly abou $20 each… but we still won’t see Keith… man this is weird but hey just keep rolling with it. We head to teh bar, I order 3 pots only to realise I don’t have any cash (hell I almost had no wallet), so Tom steps up and orders another 3 by accicdent, so we now have two pots each, madness. We take a seat, I’m kind of spinning out but Tom and Chas seem completely cool with it all, so I just take a sip of my coopers pale ale… and where’s George and his date ?

A couple of swigs later and in strolls Jim ? apparently Elo is having a birthday party of sorts at the espy and so of course it’s no surprise when Rhian walks in. Hell this could almost be a nannas function, ah the automomously self forming good times… if only we didn’t have to get this damn oven. To top it off Rhian says he saw Takeshi outside, of course, Kondo is always at the Espy, and given that Kool Kieth is playing it’s almost logical to have expected he would be here. If only I’d brought some of russian gymnastic training equipment. and what about the oven. “what time do we have to get this oven by chassie ?” “the guy said we had to be there by 10” “sweet…”. At Rhian’s suggestion we move into the pool (strong suggestioning from the captian as usual) where several rounds a winning pool ensue, accompanied by unending jugs. Still no sign of either George or Elo, but no one seems too fussed and then Lou walks in, so of course I have to relay the series of fortuitous coincidences that he has now become a part of. It may be a school night but I’m starting to get pretty largered (or pale aled) by this point.

to be continued… I have to go to the opening of Game On.

match report (part 4)

Matchday. And the day started like any other. I’m a rituals man. And a believer in feng shui, with my back to the mountain, facing the view. Or the enemy. And i like my rituals. And match day is a big day. I don’t like to drift from the path. I like to progress into the day like any other matchday. Don’t like to shake it up or the earth may open up.

Wake up. It’s Thursday. Bowl of muesli. Matchday I like to eat all day. I know I may not get dinner, so I just like to eat big. And it calms the nerves. No-one wants to fight on an empty stomach. Then Newtown for a blueberry bagel with game. Same Every Thursday. Just carbo-loading from the morning. Shortblack to wash it down.

Struggle through to lunchtime. Then its off to Waiters (club) for a big pasta. Penne calabrese. Tomato base with salami and capsicum. I pick around the capsicum. Another shortblack.

But this is where the day began to unfold. On this particular Thursday I decided to break the ritual and lunch with a friend. Most of my work friends know I’m as stubborn as shit when it comes to my lunch rituals and rules. Can’t eat last night’s leftovers. Can’t eat at the place I ate for lunch the previous day. Must eat pasta on a Thursday. Anyway, I couldn’t be bothered going all dictorial on my friend, and so we lunched in this nice little café (superfino). His choice. Nice little salami flatbread, with a portuguese tart to follow. Shortblack. All very nice. But it really didn’t fill me up the way I like.

And so I went into the game a little underprepared. Sure it didn’t help having only 4 players. And half of those sporting injuries. The prematch contraversy had also thrown the team. The game fell apart and we went down. And there niggling in the back of my mind were the words in large font, “I should have eaten pasta”. But I’ll never know. Was the dark cloud the lack of carbos? I’m a superstitious man.

Was good to ‘chief it up’ postmatch with a big steak, asparagus and mash on the side. Pepper sauce. good to wash away the postmatch aftertaste.

But the highlight was the dessert trip to Jock’s icecream. Pistachio, and Coconut Ginger in a waffle cone. Spirit-lifting.

  

A dirty lose cleansed by a win for my tastebuds.

210208 Nannas v TNs (part 2)

Players RH TH AW JH
MOM RH TH AW JH
Some say there’s no such thing as 100 percent effort, some say that a picture ca never be truly perfect, there is no pefect storm. I say phooey to those guys.

I’ve seen a group of men, as equals stand up and fight with a pride that can only come from 100 percent dedication, 100 percent pain and 100 percent Browness. And when all this comes together you have the unheard of, the unholy, the unbelievable tight MOM four.

A tight MOM four is even hard to type, let alone be a part of. I can’t say it without falling to the floor in a pool of my own excrement and vomiting up blood. It’s so beautiful it’ll tear out your eyes. And I’ve seen it, that’s why I’m blind and dictating this report to a swiss maid who has a surprising amount of stubble and a deep voice but a sweet little hole, in her ear for an earing.

Tight MOM four, I salute you – code word, code word, FOUR, FOUR, MOM FOUR, SALUTE !!!
Captain out

reality hurts

Tip: Do not rely on your memory to write match report after nanna function. It doesn’t work. I remember having a swim. And before that there were some dinosaurs. And a man with a beard. And then a round ball…As always, I only have a very loose recollection of the actual game, and the buffet hasn’t helped.

  

It had been a tough return for wal. Starting back at work after 4 weeks off for Christmas, overlapping some beachtime with the crooks and brown camps. Hammocks and christmas puddings had taken their toll. That ‘famously’ tight body, was looking a little ‘bouncy’ on the slow-mo replays. but it wasn’t just wal who had ‘let go’.

  

It was a sluggish game. How I picked up the MOM is still a mystery to me??? But sometimes that’s just the way the math pans out. I think I ran around a lot, up and down…

  

Court conditions were proving the physics law “the angle of incidence equals the angle of reflection”. The late afternoon sun, blazing in at 2 degrees (to the horizontal), rendered much of the court as a mirror. This meant that taking any passes on the ‘lakeside’ was pretty much blind guess work.

  

But let me not blame the sun, mother of mothers. It was a sluggish start to our new division. And that was with 3 subs. And for some reason, I can only remember the Gill moves. I remember Gill’s head hitting the floor. I remember then Gill in a push-up position and the ball smashing into his eyeball. Then there was some crazyness where Gill came right out of goals, and danced up the court, ducking and weaving in and out of the glare and shadows, losing the ball, somehow getting it back, crossing the court back and forth. Madness. That’s entertainment.

  

And then there was the other madness, the other exception to the ‘angle of incidence’ rule. Obviously such rules apply in a vacumn, free of friction and magic. And it was Chas who defied the rule. It doesn’t account for spin. Chas kicked the ball from the corner at about 88 degrees. It hit the post. Rolled around the goalie, who was frozen by this madness. Walked slowly along the line, teasing time. And then curled in. Goal! Un-be-lieve-a-ble.

  

The rest of the game was a rather uneventful (from my perspective). Thomas fronted up, despite an injury from the week before. Chas danced the dance, and popped the first goal (unseen from my perspective, and I wish I could remember who assisted. sorry). Even Taoza could barely muster a tantrum. The Cap-i-tan was there. He could not have forseen that a few hours later he would wake up in the nude on the bathroom floor. Crooks, ever graceful, but who had some issues with passes. And Jim, who also had mutual issues with passing. And the cheersquad, always appreciated, courtesy of the Crooks Ransom posse. And there was some off-field umpiring disputes, led by Crooks, and reined in by Coach.

  

We lost 5-2. Hughness left Melbourne. I lost $15 at poker. I lost arm wrestling. And after a solo smorgasboard, Heath, a cowboy who represented much nanna ethos, camping, and sharing a tent together on a cold night, departed our world. It was a low week for reality.

  

But the lows make the highs higher.

  

  

  

  

MATCH REPORT 131207

3-2 vs Some guys 15 years younger than us.
CB(0), JH(0), AW(0), DC(1), CG(1), RH(0), TW(1)

What a night, what a game, what a way to end the year. A nice little kick around on the back turf, Wesley Old Boys know what I mean, then a confusing moment when Dan tried to explain his well thought out and beautifully laid out plan of attack. I think we may have even kept to it on the odd occasion.

The Nanna’s started off well and finished even better. Jim managed to not give away any goals and that was a great help. Though Dan tried to help the other team with a near own goal. Tao managed, what was called the goal of the Season (possibly the year), to volley the ball past 2 of their players plus the goalie leaving him just looking straight ahead as the ball dribbled back past him from behind as it came back off the net. But enough about that goal.

As for the rest of the game I may need to get the dvd release when Takeshi gets it out as it’s a bit of a blur as to the order of things. I know they got a couple of goals and then Dan pushed one to the back of the net. I could be wrong but I think Gilla the Gorilla with the mighty through from the back line put so much spin on that ball that the other goalie didn’t have a chance of holding onto it and fumbled it through for an own goal rightfully given as a goal to the goalies goalie Chris Gill.

Well done Nannas. We are Proud and very Brown.

MATCH REPORT 6/12/07

NANNAS versus THE ANNUALS

3 : 3  (penalties T.A. 1out of 5 versus Nanna 2 out of 2)

AW. RH. DC. JH (1 PLUS AN OG). CG. (1 – OG?) TW(1). CB. COACH TH

MOM: CG

I should have taken notes….

What started out as a cocky stroll into Tao and Tom’s old school became a farce of epic proportions. Although they beat us last week, for some silly reason we THOUGHT we were several leagues ahead of them….IN THE PAST PERHAPS LADIES!!!

We started with a master play by the coach as he subbed on Tao and within ten seconds of the sub he scored. This is why Thomas earned his mom vote! We were strutting, thinking. by how far??? Then disaster struck, from a corner they took, Jim was caught out looking at their defenders slim hips and hence popped a load(ed ball into the net) (ouch!)

They scored another one before half time and one of their Annual warriors started to go in a bit hard. This caused the usually extremely zen goalie to get ANGRY. I believe there was a hand to the face…. he deserved it.

The second half started with handshakes and love, but not the way we planned it. They got another one and it seemed as though, the unbeliveable was about to happen. Goalie goal time. From a throw (with lots of side spin on it) game a glimmer. Then Jim slammed home a beast from the middle court region. 3 all now.
Goalie then put in a Beckham like cross from the  back side line and Dan  Le Coq headed in his first  ever goal – BROWN PROUD BUT DISALLOWED!!!  Can we check to seee if Pete  Circuit  had his unborn at this moment in time.
PENALTIES……5 each (in a row)

Nanna keeper saved all but one goal….some of these are available captured on film and a limited run will be signed….

Two Nanna warriors stepped up and slotted home the defining  moments that we presumed would eventuate, too bad it nearly didn’t.

The nannas will have to do a little soul searching this week to be able to face the other finalists, but I believe any team that has as much respect as the nannas is a sure thing.

The night was rather hazy post match…..Something about dancing like sweaty confetti and hanging out around the KUM DEN….posing for our front cover shots and …who knows…..

Nannas Match Report 291107

5-6 vs The Annuals.
CB(1), JH(1), TH(1), RH(0), AW(0), TK(0), TW(2, MOM)

It was a tit for tat kind of game against the not so mighty Annuals. Unfortunately it was the back line that let us down in this occasion. Tao let one get past him but brought it back with a couple of nice goals. One with a ripper pass from CB from the side line. JH kicked a classic JH goal from the LHS but may have been responsible for about 3 goals to the other team. Chas kicked a lovely goal also but it was all in vain as the annuals had as fare and square. Possibly giving them their first win of the season??

Nannas Match Report 071108

Nannas vs The Team From the Bottom of the Ladder That Hung Around After Their Previous Game and One Traitor Nanna
DC CB CG JH AW TH
Mom TH/AW

Many years ago during the Kamakura Shogunate a bunch of masterless samauri roamed the lands. They were greatly feared and destroyed all who came before them. The were known simply as the Nan-Na. None could match their strength, ferocity, belief in one another or wisdom. Despite their more aged years and against younger, more nimble opposition they continued to reign undefeated because they fought hard and they fought smart and they fought with a warrior’s spirit. A group of them were wandering through the forest one day. Kokyo; the katana master, Bigu Jimu; on the bo or staff and philosophical ponderment, Cha-Chinko; fast, furious and deadly with the shuriken, Gira: makes two nun-chukkas look like about fifty, Wongauri: sneaky little knives that you don’t really see coming, and Cocho; who could only really yell loudly. They were looking to fight a young band of samauri who thought they were something, but this young band of samauri got cold feet, and fled to Malaysia so as not to have to face the awesome firepower of the feared Nan-na. This disappointed the Nan-Na greatly, who were eager for battle, so when they found a bunch of trainee peasant stick fighters who had never successfully won a battle, already weakened from a bloody skirmish they thought they could have a little sport with them. The Nan-Na should have crushed them, but they were smote utterly. Even when the loser peasant farmers were reduced to four men after Bigu Jimu’s mighty bo smacked into the tibia one of the rag wearing share croppers, they still continued to womp the mighty Nan-Na. In the end the Nan-Na were humiliated and it was a fucking disgrace of the most highest and supreme order of magnitude.

There’s not much point dwelling on the why’s for too long. Treasonry and treachery obviously played a role. Gira, normally the most loyal and honourable of Nan-Na turned traitor and went and fought for the peasant stick fighters with bits of skin peeling off their faces, but that wasn’t the main reason that the Nan-Na ended up with the severed balls of their comrades stuffed in their mouths. No the Nan-Na got royally fucked by a bunch of hick losers with wooden teeth and scurvy because they did not commit. They went at it like a bunch of French dukes fresh from a Versaille orgy waving their distended cocks around like they owned the joint, failing to appreciate that you don’t own shit unless you put your fucking money on the table, and you have to put your fucking money on the table every fucking week. Because even a bunch of illiterate scum who eat rat fur have a couple of cents and if that’s more than you are willing to pay because you think it’s a done deal you’d better stand by to taste freshly lopped ball sac.


The lost report 071101C

Nannas A Vs The Golden Nannas | 6-6
CB, DC, RH, TH, TW, TK, AW, CG (goals to be confirmed)
MOM DC/RH/TW

Deep in Nanna folklore there is talk of the “lost report” of a game never played, not lost nor won, not drawn. A game so beautiful in it’s simplicity, so complicated in its delicately woven interplay that words simply bounce off its impenetrable walls. This game that I elude to is the game that all Nannas hold deep inside them, it’s an internal battle. Rather than unleashing the volley from halfway you shoot it directly up your spine and revel in what could have been, what always will be, what drives us on.

Oh lost report
Oh lost report
Oh lost report
Where are you?
Oh lost report

Nannas Match Report 071115

5-3 vs Los pitufos
DC (2,MoM), CB (1), CG (gk,1), AW, TW, JH(1)

With upper management on international duty middle management were forced to convene a special emergency meeting and disciplinary action has been threatened against Andrew Wong and Takeshi Kondo but more on that later.

Following a delayed kickoff the Nannas launched an aggressively tight 5 into the fray. Some tidy passing and neat finishing soon saw the lead taken. Giller then threw in a goal (is this a first ?) much to the embarrassment of the opposing goalie who went home to read the rule book… It all went to hell in bucket carter later in the second half with the opposition pulling one back. The Taoer of Paoer arrived and was soon in the thick of things (ie. yelling at Chas). The start of the second half was equally uninspired but the second half of the second half saw a return to form, Chas running onto a perfectly timed pass from Le Coq Sportif and slotting home (which was good considering he muffed a couple of sitters earlier on), Jim sliced one in from an impossible angle – literally standing on the back line. CG making the usual ridiculous saves and some unusually short (and effective) passes out. Some great defense from Jim and Wal. more wierd ankle electricity for the author and the last goal of the night. All good.

NOT so good. the blatant disregard of the flurry by Andy and Takeshi which resulted in a lot of panicked ringing around by middle management trying to locate said nannas and then trying to find subs at the last minute followed by the even more embarrassing task of telling those who had valiantly offered to play at extremely short notice (and got all excited) that in fact they weren’t required. NOT good. Disciplinary action is still to be decided.

HENCEFORTH: All Nannas MUST make their availability known at least ONE DAY BEFORE the game. If you don’t “have a fvcking office job like you cocky” or are otherwise too dim witted to use email and contribute to the Flurry™ then you must CALL somebody or use fvcking smoke signals if you have to.

ps. Rhian, Tom and Wal all still owe match reports, I seem to recall something about defecating in a nannas throat ?

Nannas Match Report 071101b

Nannas A Vs The Golden Nannas | 6-6
CB, DC, RH, TH, TW, TK, AW, CG (goals to be confirmed)
MOM DC/RH/TW

Nanna on Nanna and I don’t mean in the Jim kind of way, lucky he wasn’t there actually. It was a somewhat laid back few Nannas enjoying the time to have a go at eachother. Golden Nannas had the game tied up and then decided to let Nannas A have a little comeback to make it interesting. If it wasn’t that TW went down with a sprained ankle leaving them one man down the Golden Nannas would have run away with it in the final minutes but it wasn’t to be. NEXT TIME.

Match Report 25/10/07 part a

vs Asian sensation? 9-4

DC 4, RH, AW, JH, CB2, TW2,  own goal
MOM: RH, CB, DC

It’s not often that the Nannas really strut their stuff and laugh in the face of a weak and pitiful opponent but that is exactly what happened on this evening of delights.
Not only did the opposition have absolutely no talent but they were ugly and quite possibly foreign or diabetics. At one point four of the opposition found themselves in the bathroom, leaving only a goalie who’d just finished her first day at school.

BUT THEY WON THE SECOND HALF !!!!!!

We should have ground them deeper in to the dust than the little bits of dust that were once bigger bits of dust but have then been ground into the dust themselves. It should have been a landslide, avalanche, romp home.

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.

OIZO Part One

She it nannas! A double win for France last night. They cheesed the All Blacks out of the World Cup by 2 points (correctly predicted by Thermo) but prior to that (and much more enjoyably) La France’s favourite son, one Quentin Dupieux aka Mr Oizo, fully fucking tore it up at the Prince.

It all started at a temporarily child free household (Martindale) in Northcote East over Leibe pizzas, tequilas and apple vodkas. In attendance were myself, Claire Brownsmith, Doctor Ransom, Cap’n Hinkley and Cockstrike. Our postprandial journey was executed with the precision of a ceramic tap with no grit in the line and we found ourselves deposited in St Kilda with nary le blink of un oeuil. Upon entering the Deep Southside we quickly assumed our roles for the evening as the five lost Dupieux siblings; Thierry, Pascal, Veronique, Monique et Alain.

Presenting ourselves early at the venue we were informed by the bouncer that folk such as ourselves (not wearing fluoro and being a little over 21) would be guaranteed a fast-tracked entrance due to our immaculate grooming and exceptional personal style. This was pleasing for our party so we trudged further south in search of our sixth French frere Gaston (also known as Coach Thermo). En route we availed ourselves of a large bottle of tequila which we promptly drank to counteract the debilitating effects of watching Miami Vice the Movie.

matchreport 20071004

vs Vagabundos Da Praia 3-2

CG2, DC 1, RH, AW, JH, CB

MOM: CG

Possibly one of the BROWNEST nights for a long long time. (no Jim, I’m not including that night!)

The Nannas stode off the court with chests as puffed out as zepplins. I don’t think many of the Nannas believed we ha the right to the victory, such was the feeling of extreem BROWN PRIDE.

Captain Wrinkley picked me up mid jog, as I was almost halfway to the ground. We got there early and did the early prematch warm up. This has proved very useful to the aging Nannas, giving their older legs the touch they need for the start of the game. Jim began the warm up with much dry quippage about all things non hetro and Dan tried to justify watching an “arthouse” film with Miri!!!!

By game time, however, our minds were focused. The team we faced up to had beaten us recently and people were NOT CONFIDENT….. The first half was tighter than tight. 0 – 0 the Nannas were resilinent in defence. However, the young team we faced looked set to run us off our feet. NOT SO!!!!

They opened the account with a scorching  goal that even Chazzmeister the frenchman could not stop. People were nervous. However a long goalie throw (with a little spin on it) resulted in a goal to the NAnnas. HA HA (little punks)……1 – 1 Tightness reined supreme.

People kept pushing, tempers flared, sweat dripped, tension rose.

Another goalie throw, (more spin) an another cheekie nanna goal. With there heads hanging the Nannas roared, the forwards pounced and Cockie SLAMMED home another goal within a minute of the last. BROWN pride!!!! We still had three minutes to play though. Before you could say “Jim, what is that on your pants” They got another goal, and again Chassssssssi could do nothing. Two minutes of them pushing harder than King Kong Bundy’s mum…Tension.

The final whistle – BROWN PRIDE. Then came the handshakes….a lot of grumbling and a few “fuck you very much’s”..

After the game Dan declared this month as COCKTOBER. I think he had a point, but he went a little too far by letting it poke out as he walked away from the coliseum!!

Knowing we had to drop off Andy Wong for his last dirty southside week, we went deep into the territory and had a drink at the ESPY!! As we were driving there the Captain was parking and as he turned his head to look out the window a loud CRACK was to be heard as he slammed his face into the window he thought had been wound down. Just as well we hadn’t smoked because we would probably still be laughing. So next time you see the Captain and you see the little cut on his nose…….(don’t tell him I told you)

MATCH REPORT 20070913

vs Vagabundos 6-3

MS, CB 1, DC 2, JH 1, TH 1, RH 1, TW
MS MOM
Jim comes correct.

Dan tears the pectorial back from the heart.

Tom raises the roof.

Eel stomps greasy possum. Possum whines and is penalised. That was nice.

Dan with surgical nana deathstrike to their exposed corpuscles.

Chris peels cap back.

Hinkly sews it up.

Written by Marek the Eel.

Match Report 070913

Nannas vs Vagabundos Da Praia
6 : 3
RH(C), JH, CB, DC, TW, TH, Marek the Eel(GK)
Goals: DC(2), JH, TH, RH, CB
Mom: Marek the Eel

It was Thursday, (i think), a bunch of Nannas were sitting around a home made bbq in 1998, way before the Nannas were even invented, doing hot knives at Tennyson St when the Captain came back from a foraging expedition at the Botanical Gardens. Using Daytura the Captain had sourced, and the Tinman’s intimate knowledge of the Door of Jackson, the Nannas were able to brain their way into the future… everything was strange there. The high ball was allowed, and the surface was harder underfoot than they would be used to when they started their indoor soccer careers later on in their life. While it can be fun and rewarding to engage in sexual activities with your perfect double or doppleganger, you have to be careful, as I am sure most of you are aware, to kill said doppleganger at the end of the good times lest he/she try to kill you and take over your life. Lucky for the crazy high Nans from 1998 they inhabited the same bodies as their doubles so the need for murder was obivated, but a strange thing happened: Guy Fraser had been sent to Kaptain the Cobras and it was impossible for the brave, child free, good time loving, bbq eating, pre-nannas to get back to 1996 and the strange attraction of person’s pre-cocky and current Janet. But the Nannas were only concerned with keeping that winning feeling… and keep that winning feeling they did. Pre-cocky’s unwashed stench, from 1997 so inhabited his 2007 persona that we were able to summon BJ Honeycut from M*A*S*H bought corporeal as Big Jim Hannan (it’s the initials that make it possible), even though Jim didn’t even know any of us existed yet!, and he was just a punk skater with a hash dependency living on the streets of Sydney, and not the Upstanding former police officer wannabe and Army Surgeon that he had been/would become. Then Chazzy’s young actor implant was able to do this neat trick where NO ONE saw him effetely paddle the ball out of goal because he used his 1994 hand, they don’t teach you that at VCA. The captain started making a BBQ coz that’s what he used to do/does do on Thursdays, lucky it was a penalty shot BBQ, lovingly crafted out of metal plates that stop real Nannas from falling down holes on their way to Richmond Station: nothing is more powerful than a penalty bbq made from steel and angry Nannas with broken legs. Only Marek the Eel, who didn’t really come from the past was the only one who was like, “wtf, where’s my hip flask, jesus, Dalmatia was never like this” and the Nannas were like, “Oh, you are really from the Past. Dalmatia? What is that? Are you a knight? Do you have a war mallet?”. And Marek the Eel said, “Yes”. And malleted some wallabies who were running around wearing indoor soccer player suits. Of course the Nannas are big war mallet fans and bringing one to a Nannas game pretty much guarantees you the MOM so remember that Nannas. Don’t worry it all worked itself out in the end, the Nannas drank their way back to 1998 and separated the two of their selves through alcoholic ozmosis and the current day Nannas woke up in the morning with just a HeadAche, and a the taste of burnt stainless steel in their mouths.

The Judge Coach Song

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Nanna’s song or poem, so I wrote one in honour of myself. It’s called The Judge Coach Song.

The Judge Coach Song
(Sung to the tune of Rawhide)

He’s a Coach
He’s a Judge
He’s a Judge
He’s a Coach
He’s a Coach
He’s a Judge
Judge Coach!

He’s a Judge
He’s a Coach
He’s a Coach
He’s a Judge
He’s a Judge
He’s a Coach
Coach Judge!

MATCH REPORT 30/08/07

Nannas versus LOS PITUFOS
1 : 6
RH (c), CB, AW, TW, JH, Marek the EEL
Goals RH 1
MOM: RH

The  game started with a flurry and a rush of excitement, Marek the eel in goal, slippery, elusive with sharp teeth, lungs of pure nicotine and liver stained black with short black madness.

We were excited and hot, damn hot. The flurry of opening passes was bedazzling chazzy to Weis to Wong to Hinkley, back to Chazzy to Hannan, Hannan pushes forward, to Weis to Wong, accross the face to Hinkley on the burst, he winds up from 400metres out, somewhere in the car park, his mighty legs of steel create a wind that screams through the court, followed by the remnants of a soccer ball, shredded upon impact, that ends, deflated in the back of the net.

The game went downhill from there and we played like a pack of moist towelletes, dirty ones.

The EEL held his own and earned his Nanna badge with distinction.

MATCH REPORT 20070823

070923_team_small2.jpg

vs ASIAN SENSATION 6-5

RH, CB, DC, TW, TH, CG, JH

MOM CB

Look this game happened a while ago now and since then the writer has been violated by one James Hannan. This violation had the unfortunate result of the erasing of my carefully inscribed details of a momentous Nannas match of football. The details of the game had been lovingly etched on some garden variety paper product and then stored carefully in the rear pocket of the writer’s pants. After the ensuing metaphorical reacharound bestowed on the writer by the aforementioned Hannan; the writer withdrew the garden like sheaf only to discover it to be damp and rubbed raw and lifeless of any intelligible etchings.

From memory then; we won. Ending an unprecedented losing streak. Dan got a goal. There was a crowd of 70,000 (whoops that was the Argentina match at the G), umm we went to the Windsor afterwards. The writer got the MOM without scoring a goal (some put that down to x factor). The writer felt no great pride in his performance but is honoured by the honour bestowed on him.

May this beacon of victory shine forth and illuminate other victorious beacons and also beakers full to the brim of lightly carbonated amber truth fluid.

Go Nannas!

SEASON STATS AUTUMN/Winter 07

Yes Brown Nannas the time has come for reflection, and what a murky pool we find ourselves staring into.

You can’t fight 10 losses and a draw out of all the games that we actually played as a successful season, or can you?

We fought back in the latter half of the season and roused ourselves to the best ever organised and coldest Nanna function, and they can’t take that away from us.

Enough, I’ll let the figures speak for themselves.
Full stats
stats_small.jpg

mom

mom_small.jpg
Most goals = D Crooks more
Most Games = R Hinkley more and more
MOM = R Hinkley more
APISC results = here
Captain out

Match Report 14/06/07

14_07_small
loss to DEAD DEAD SKILLFULL 3-6

RH CG DC1 TW1 JH1 AW TK

I think Dead-dead lucky might be a better name for this lousy lump of no-hopers with shit for brains and personalities to match. Sure they beat us, some might say they beat us comprehensively, but there was at least six or seven minutes of the old Nannas, the Nannas we remember when we’re tucked up in bed and the wife is out of town.

We warmed our hands in the glow of the Angry Nanna heat and pushed forward with ease, not stopping to see the fallen opposition as they screamed “foul” and “you can’t do that” and “please”. We must take that six, maybe seven minutes and hold it dear, let it grow and build into a full 36 minutes of Nanna Glory.

MATCH REPORT 31/5/07

vs HYDEROOS

2-4

RH, JH, AW, TK, CG, TW

MOM CG

There was an irishman and Australian, a Kiwi, a Japanese, a gayman, an angryman (subdued) and a drunk architect.

They all walked into a bar and decided to play a game of FOOTBALL. It was a messy affair with the sneaky irishman pulling the pants down of the gayman and exposing his defence. Not once but a few times!!! Oh how Benny Hill laughed…