vs ??
lost 2-4
CB MOM,DC,RH,TH,TW,JH,AW,TK

Oh man, after a Man Weekend I am meant to remember shit. I close my eyes I see the ears, nose and clean white teeth of the piglet we consumed. What I can do? Come on there must be something there. Some hazy image or a snatch of conversation? Or perhaps a hazy snatch and an image of a conversation? Nup, nothing. It was cold.. real cold.. No, I’m just making it up now.

What about the Man weekend eh? Perhaps that is more important to catalogue. Let’s see.. Goalshooting (won by TH), Relay (TK,TH,CB), Discus (CG-controversially or DC- non-controversially), Intra Big Ball (Gold Team:CB,TW,JH,TK), Intra Small Ball (Gold Team), Dodgeball (Unknown), Can Hold (TK), Robot Hand Shandy (Boomers:CG,AW,TH), House of Cards (AW), Personal Sharing On Mic,PSOM, (tie:AW,DC), Table Tennis (CB), Best Barista Bitch in Balnarring, BBBB, (JH).

Please add to Man Weekend catalogue as desired..

vs South Melbourne AMC 13-0 WIN
CB MOM 3,RH 3,TW 3,JH 2,DC 1,TK 1,AW,CG

There they were. Us. No uniforms. Full of hope and wonder. Bearded, bedraggled and unkempt. Men in their late 20’s. Thinking.. “sure, I’ve got some footskills, i used to play soccer at school, i may not have a south american/ european gene in my genome but I know soccer, i know football, i can do this, yeah yeah, awesome let’s ride”.

And then there was us. (perhaps “them” in another decade). Older, wiser, fitter, happier. Men in their late 30’s. Thinking.. “no, you can not do it bearded young fools, you shall not ride, you shall be bludgeoned hard and long by the long handle of the nanna bludgeoning machine. 1, yeah that’s right, 2, take it, 3, there you go, 4, taste it, 5, eat it, 6, slam it, 7, feel the power, 8, ooh touch it, 9, get up bitch, 10, get up again, 11, look at me.. bang, 12, one more, one more here we go, 13 thanks guys great game see you next time.”

And that was indeed that. Thirteen to zero. Three hattricks and some. But strangely, a slightly empty feeling. Like it wasn’t really a game at all. More like a training session. So we better keep our game up and on this week. Especially with the BackDoor and the CoqLoft home on their respective workbenches.

Timestamp: Nanna man weekend confirmed for Aug 6/7 at Balnarring complete with pig on spit. Only three weeks away!

Vs Gassius Clay 6-4 win
DC 3 CB 2 TW 1

There were 8 brown nannas lining up to play
8 brown nannas lining up to play
But if one brown nanna should accidentally be late
Then that one brown nanna (tao) would have to bloody pay
(to the tune of 10 green bottles)

The harshness of the new Nanna rule.. although unenforced on this occasion due to some Pinball analogy the coach was busting out about not going out on the first ball. However I for one would like to express resistance to such a rule. Not so much the rule but the punishment for breaking it. I think a non-pecuniary penalty would be more in the Nanna spirit of brotherhood and brown pride. I am certainly not suggesting that tardiness should be smiled upon. Perhaps a game-time penalty would be more fitting.

So, the game. There was some extreme and unrelenting anger from one of their number. A very angry man.. A firecracker if you will and appropriately enough; going off on Guy Fawkes day. An unacknowledged fact by the nannas on this evening. I think it was good for us to see the ugly side of anger and it was generous of this fellow to give a textbook demonstration of how not to behave.

We won. And the indian was awesome. Kudos Jim.

vs
4-2 win to Nannas
CB 2, DC 1, JH, TW, TK, RH, AW, CG, TH(coach)

Well, well, well.

On the Serengeti plains of western Africa there are heaps of wildebeasts. The meat is everywhere and the lion pride can take their pick. But then the grass disappears (Jim) and so does the meat (Jim). It’s called the great migration and it requires some pretty nifty motion graphics to really get a handle on it’s massive scope. But the poor old lionesses and lion cubs are territorial and they would rather starve than wear out their soft pussy paws on a big old march north on the tails of the Wilding ones. So they just wander around looking for meat, getting real hungry until hunks of their fur starts falling out and they turn into weak-ass niggas with no muscle.

The Nannas love to go four goals up. There’s nothing better. Kondo slots an early goal deep into the netting. Cocky slips a shanghai shuffler into the goal that drips in like we are watching that shit at 500 frames per second. And then he got a goal. Then the deeply bronzed thigh spasm worked some shadow subfloor toe-poke action that poltergeisted the ball into the netting like you need some magnetic resonance imaging to capture that detail. And the trappist monk style beer chaser to follow that single malt action was the finest of fine angled edge o’ the double bevel eye of the needle accurate to seventeen hundred decimal places thunder strike (you guessed it) deep into the netting. And then these nameless bitches who we can’t name get a couple of dodgy goals and it looks like we could just crumple into nothing and end up like those mangey lions in the Serengeti.

But we do not. Well, we don’t do no more killing. And we do look vulnerable a few times. But we survive that long hungry stretch towards the end of the 36 minutes and we can leave the building heads held high. And being humans we just head off to The Station Hotel in Footscray (thank you Tao) and Cocky eats half a kilo of beest and we drink some beer and all is right with the world.

Good. Solomon turned 4 today.

vs The Annual 7-2
CB 1, DC, CG, AW, TH, TW, JH, RH

We won, we beat ’em. We slammed them back into their hungry cave. And King Lion was still King Lion.

As it turned out Troika (“Your fellow drinkers are likely to be 20-or-30-somethings (maybe even 40-somethings) who prefer to live near the edge but not on it”) was quite a good post-match venue choice. Although it was fairly deflating Jim’s tenacious reluctance to embrace the opportunity to take his fellow Nannas somewhere other than the Windsor. Oh well.

So Cocky is in Shanghai now and Rhian is in Castlemaine and I’ve left it so late to write this. It’s 7.46pm and I have to pick up Gilly at 8.

What else? It’s very hot. 32 degrees today the second of April. Last day of term tomorrow for the primary school junior Nannas (ie. El, Lu, Otis and Freya.)

vs Los Pitufos won 4-1
CB 2, AW 1, TH 1, DC, RH, CG, TK, JH
MOM CB/RH

We dropped a goal near the start of the game and trailed Los Pitufos right through to the beginning of the second half. This engendered rather a lot of indignant anger and determination to show those punks who was boss. This was actually quite good for the Nannas as we focussed and got back in the game.

CB got a couple of goals near the start of the second half that put us in front 2-1. TH very casually slotted a blistering strike into the back of the net from outside the D. Then AW off a long run into his favourite position near the back door delivered his trademark finish putting us into a commanding lead 4-1.

The opposition were perhaps too tricky for their own good with a lot of gratuitous footwork which often resulted in them accidentally kicking the ball away and losing it. The major culprit was heard to say repetitively throughout the first half..”easy, too easy, it’s easy” which was somewhat irksome. Once we were in the lead he stopped saying this. I guess we showed him that “no fuckbuckle playing the Nannas is not ‘easy’ and never will be so don’t fuck with king lion fool!”

RH is too be commended for a very solid and focussed in-form game and a well-deserved MOM.

Props also to my cuzzies David and Solomon for their support. They have now commenced their circumnavigation of the continent in the Mighty Blue Magna (stuffed to the brim with guitars, surfboards and tents).

vs Dirty Waffles
Nannas win 3-1
CB 2, DC 1, JH, AW, TW, RH, CG, TH
CB MOM

The Dirty Waffles. Dirty. Angry. Not good to eat, but good to beat.

They don’t like losing but lose they did to a strong, cohesive unit of brown men playing at their best.

It should be noted that although someone has to receive the MOM, tonight was exemplary for its display of teamwork and commitment across the board.

The game began with immediate ferocity with The Dirty Waffles determined to exploit their physical superiority by dubious means. However it is a testament to all Nannas that we managed to ignore most of the argy-bargy and get on and play the game. CB got an early goal after being ankle-tapped and off balance and surging towards the keeper got a lucky bounce and ran it in to the net. Running back triumphant from scoring he ran past the player who had ankle-tapped him who then proceeded to violently ram his elbow into CB’s chest. The guy is freaking massive so CB declined to battle and offered his hand in a truce saying to him “that’s just too dangerous man!”.

DC added to the Nannas score with a powerful strike from just outside the D. So now we were 2-0 up and the Waffles started really firing up. They are a tactical team and they started putting together some very good cross court passing and offensive plays that in the past have opened the Nannas right up and enabled them to thrash us quite easily. However tonight the Nannas were holding position and marking players tightly which shut down their operations again and again rendering them ineffective.

CB scored once more from a solo run up court to put the Nannas in an unassailable position for the final few minutes.

Mighty brown victory Nannas!!

vs The Annual lost 2-4
CB 1, TK, TH, RH 1, JH, AW
MOM CB

It wasn’t as hot as last week but it was a hot, trim Nanna contingent that took the court this week with the lean six.
Apparently not hot and trim enough to unseat the Phase wannabe beeyatches in their headbands and over zealous 50-50 ball challenges.

The Nannas took a while to hit their straps tonight and a few soft goals in the first half allowed the enemy to open a gaping lead of 3-0 by half time.

The second half was won by us 2-1 but was too little too late.

I got the first goal: a right footer into the top/ middle of the net from the edge of the D after a scramble in front of goal.

The second goal was a lovely finish by the Captain on the left from a cross court ball from me.

Dan and Guy were in New Zealand for a wedding. There are rumours that the BPBD may make an appearance in our next match.

This game occurred before the weekend of the Victorian bushfires. The Brown-Smiths were camping in Warburton that weekend only 45km from Marysville which burnt to the ground. Thankfully we are all safe and made it back to Melbourne with no incident. We did witness the darkening sky, red sun and black rain of Saturday afternoon which was also the hottest day ever recorded in Melbourne: 46 degrees.

Special mention goes to Marion, Izzy, Coco and Gabrielle (my mum) for their support.

vs Los Pitufos
Loss 1-2
CB1, DC, AW, JH, TH, CG, TK, RH
MOM CB

Shit dang it! Had it half written. Didn’t save. Shut down Safari.

Here goes again.. The floor at Wesley is now shiny and sprung. APISC didn’t get their shit together to put floor protectors on the base of the goals so we had to play with micro-goals.

The Nannas know what they like and they like what they know. Whether it be pottles of tartare or beachbox poker or ton ju or the word butthole or regulation size freaking futsal goals! So perhaps it threw us more than the other team (who were bottom of the ladder mind you- oh the ignominy!) when presented with goals the size of laptops. DC was particularly aghast at the change and could be heard muttering angry words ‘gainst said goals making him look quite the dementia patient. Joining in the metaphor TH rebuked him in his sternest matronly tones and told him to get on and kick a goal. Which unfortunately the most Strikerly among us could not do on this low evening.

CG was still suffering from Ebola and allowed not one but TWO goals to sully the back of the crocheted thimble he was guarding.

The rest of us did OK but not OK enough. TH was in fighting form on the sidelines trying to rip a hole in his vocal cords as he bellowed encouragement and rebukes in equal measure.

CB managed to snake a ball into the net in the second half. It was a left footer and it blasted its way in from well outside the D. CB came close to equalising when another shot tickled the goal frame for a little longer than is decent before scurrying away in disgrace.

It was great to have the Tokyo Terror fresh out of Tokyo and back in the fold. TK put in a solid game of hussling and is still fitter than the rest of us even after three months away.

Speaking of which Spring is well upon us and its time for the Nannas to start going for those morning sprint sessions, lifting weights, riding bikes, swimming out to the heads and back etc. In short, fitness is lacking, some of us are pushing late 30’s, we need to work at it. We need at least two out of these three: fitness, skills, will to win.

Tight like an 8 way butthole. You know what I am talking about Jimmy dear.

vs Dirty Waffles 4-4
DC 2, CB 1, RH 1, AW, JH, TW, TH (GK)
MOM CB, TH
YC TW

I don’t know whether it was the Swedish Math Metal played en route in one of the Northcote Camrys or the focussed pre-game drills or possibly Jim driving the company car but whatever the Hades it was; the Dirty Waffles hadn’t laid a single syrupy digit on the ball when (after barely a minute of play) we had our first taste of the back of their net.

We had picked the Waffles for arrogant and it was therefore good for the Nannas to get that early psychological edge. Unfortunately that edge was blunted with two loose goals by them in quick succession. Some loose marking (CB guilty once) gave TH little chance of stopping some shots from too close in. 2-1 to them.

TW got a Yellow Card for throwing the ball away. The vibe was getting edgy and desperate. Rhian executed an Acute Sweet Poke (ASP) that was third time lucky after two close attempts by AW and DC. 2-2 scores are tied.

DC got another goal and then they got two more and at 4-3 down and with only minutes left on the clock, a loss for the Nannas looked imminent. CB received the ball in front of goals and sweetly poked it high and into the back of the net for the mighty equaliser.

Special mention goes to the esteemed TH who was massive in goals.

A draw. 4-4. A big game. Strong work Nannas.

vs Asian Sensation 3-2

DC 2, CB 1, TW, TH, RH, JH, CG

MOM: CB

Well it all started a bit nerve wrackingly in peaceful northcote with a late pick-up from Gilly that caused the writer to phone Cap’n Hinkley in a blistering panic questioning, “hast thou forgot to pick me up?”. To this Cap’n H responded “Nay you idiot we are bearing down on you right now. Keep your cool man!”.

And thus they did pull up (as it were) and indeed we then took a wrong turn down Hillside (at Cap’n’s insistence) but finally caressed Slater with Falcon power and deposited one Shank D’Coq in the rear with moi.

We were on our bloody way and not a minute too soon. Talk of demerit points and potential lost licences en route did not deter our Keeper from keeping it slick and edgy in the travel.

A rearward park and arrival. Followed by a jolly good warm-up: hack, one touch keepings off and the running one touch drill. Interspersed of course with a solid potshot at the late and incorrectly entranced Weistsiders. Jim was ready for it.

Then rain, talk of tactics, talk of code and a tight huddling kickaround with patently aggressive tones. Inside at last and money dialled into our beloved Ref almost before he had finished the final blow.

The game then. And what a solid and spirited first half it was. The one-touch work really showing up in the game with some excellent quick passing that resulted in early goals for the Nannas. The first goal was a nice finish from D’Coq off a classy throw from Gilla. The second goal was a 123 starting with the writer centrecourt right, quick ball to D’Coq left then back to the writer running onto the ball and finishing decisively. The final goal was another great finish from D’Coq after a lovely set-up from Taozza.

Taozza impressed with some fine passing and defensive play. Jim was more alert and less alarmed this week. Tommy looked hot hot hot with a new haircut and shave. Gilla was in fine form and did a couple of double saves that were awesome. Cap’n had his shooting foot on and launched a couple of rockets that were unlucky not to be goals.

The second half was less impressive with the opposition clawing back two goals and nearly making a break for a draw towards the end. However we held on and sweet victory was our bedfellow once again. Unanimity expressed on pleasures of winning.

Back to the empty Windsor for jugs, crisps and gusts of smoke blowing in from outside. Strong work Nannas!

vs Los Pitufos 3-1
CB 1, DC 2, TW, JH, TH, AW, CG, RH
MOM: CB

They were young, younger than us although that wasn’t apparent to begin with. They could have been 34ish but they weren’t. They were teenagers with no calcification, no arthritis, no dodgy ankles. All we had was our hurting bombs and we kinda used ’em.

The game began with a very tidy yet explosive powerball from Cocky on the right. He punched crosscourt on the run and the ball made no bones about hitting the net with gusto. So we were one goal up and then things started to get ugly. Its hard chasing a bunch of teenagers around for too long and chinks in the Nannas fitness armour began to show. Chinks in the Nannas awakeness armour also began to show with Cocky giving Jim a good sideline berating for his statuesque behaviour oncourt. Jim defended himself by saying he was in defence and didn’t need to run onto the ball. Mmmm, 2 and 2 is four Jim you do the sums. On the subject of berating, Tao uncharacteristically screamed at the writer for being out of position only moments before the writer successfully made the tackle. To which the writer responded (with uncharacteristic indignation) that Tao should save the ‘telling off’ till after the f**k-up and not before.

But I digress. After a lot of yelling and a lot of mess, the opposition equalised near the start of the second half. A lovely offensive play involving the writer and Tao resulted in Cocky slotting his second goal of the match. Soon after, the writer struck gold from the right after a vigorous fend-off of the opposing defender.

The game was ours. A 3-1 victory. The aftermatch function was held at the Windsor Castle (home of the fourteen dollar jug). With eight Nannas in attendance it seemed appropriate to convene a formal planning meeting (please see big Jim Hannan for the ensuing ‘actions register’).

Plans for a new lighter weight fast drying uniform were discussed. And November 24 has been locked in for the Second Ever Nanna Beachbox Poker Function At Mt Eliza (SENBPFAME).

6-3 vs Jossie’s Giants [MacRobertson]
CB 3, DC 3, TW, RH, AW, TK, CG, JH, TH(coach)
MOM CB

It looked for a minute like we could be down to five players with Gilly and Tao having health issues and Wal silent in the flurry. However it was a fine brown team of eight plus one coach Thermos that sauntered into MacRobertsons Girls College to fulfil their destiny last evening.

An early goal from CB put us one up in the first quarter. This was equalised fairly soon after and it looked like a possible Nanna’s apple crumble. DC let one fly and we pushed in front to 2-1.

There was a fair amount of argy-bargy from the other team which pleasingly resulted in several free kicks to the Nannas.

TH firmly reminded the Nannas at half-time that if he said we were in D then thats where we should be. Consequently the defensive play in the third quarter was particularly good. DC and CB struck gold several more times earning themselves a hattrick each respectively and a double-hattrick for Northcote.

The opposition managed to score a couple of bananas and it would have been more if it were not for some excellent saves by CG.

A pleasing result and well-deserved.

Post-match at the Railway and Hinkley produced the stats in graph format to a chorus of oohs and aahs from the impressed Nannas. See below.

vs Jossies Giants 8-2
CB 2, DC 2, TW 2, JH 2, CG, TH (coach)
MOM CB

Are these guys not being fed or what? A hungry fiver of hardened nan-power stepped onto the court at the pits last night for a ravenous display of classic Nanna football glory.

Although the writer acknowledges the objective and inalienable truth of his being voted MOM this week, he cannot help but borrow the comment that it was the team that was the winner.

The eight goals we scored were divided evenly among the on-field players with everyone taking two each.

There was a lot of good passing. Jim was blisteringly on target. Cocky was all over it up front and pulling off some of his lovely trademark turns. Taozza was winning every fiftyfifty challenge and the writer ran quite a bit and nailed home an obligue angle shot at maximum velocity. Gillla continued to astound the opposition with stopping the unstoppable shots.

Tommy was solid on the touchline with a one-legged tripod and rousing advice and encouragement.

A great victory. Nannas undefeated in the top division.

vs Allens FC
6-1
CB 3, DC 1, JH 2

CB, DC, JH, AW, CG, TW, (RH coach)

MOM CB

Oh dear struggling to remember all the details now but here goes..
Our minds were focussed right from the start with some precise strategies from our illustrious Captain who spelt out just what we should be doing, who we should be marking etc.

We took it to them, but also played an excellent defensive game, consistently shutting down their attacks until they started to fall part at the seams and shoot wildly from way out and forget to pass.

We also capitalised on our opportunities making them count at a very high rate.
DC bought one goal with a sprained ankle, our second injury in two weeks after the Howie fibula.

CB got an own goal for the other side which spurred him on to a hattrick to make up for it. But that did mean Allens failed to put one past Gilly at all.

A big match, a big semi-final and now we are set up for a big final with a big tight five with DC in a coaching role. Go Nannas!

location: Wesley | nannas: TW, DC, AW, JH, CB, CG, TH | opposition: Foregone Conclusion
score: 6-4 | goals: DC 1, CB 2, AW 1, JH 2 | mom: CB + CG

A tight Nannas ensemble of 7 dismantled Foregone Conclusion in a hard fought victory last night at Wesley.

DC and TW hustled hard at both ends of the court and put through a couple of delectable touches forward into space for CB to run onto.
TH gave 110 per cent with some excellent defensive play.
JH slammed home a couple of scorching strikes.
AW got up for some slippery backdoor action and tackled well.
CB got a couple of better than average goals.
CG “the animated chastity belt” raised the goalkeeping bar again with a double pronged penalty resistance followed by a some classic victory postures.

Nice!

location: Wesley | nannas: RH, DC, TK, JH, CB, CG, TH | opposition: tbc
score: 9-2 | goals: DC 3, CB 2, RH 2?, TH 1?, JH 1? | mom: CB

A sloppy start against a skilful opposition.

Nannas pulled themselves together with good positional play encouraged by some firm side-coaching. Good passing and team play coupled with excellent scoring meant the Mighty Fighting Nannas came out way on top. I can’t fault us.

Highlight: Left-footed cross from the MOM to the Captain’s laser guided shoulder nut punched the ball home in marvellous style.

Provocolight: A self-proclaimed “not angry at all” Thomas Howie pressed his chest and armpits forcefully on another man while waving his hands in the air and singing and dancing like Britney Spears on man-hormones. One to rival TW’s infamous lunchgrope.