Match Report 2011_12_08 GRAND FINAL

match report

vs St Kilda FC
won 6-2
CB 3, CG 2, TW 1, DC, GF, TK, TH
JH (Coach), AW (Cape Bitch)
CB MOM/POF

Sorry about the disrespect. I had a few things on my plate. A diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my acromioclavicular joint, an ultrasound guided steroid injection, packing to go camping before: flying to auckland, driving to taupo bay, driving back to auckland, christmas etc, ferry to waiheke, NYE etc, ferry back to auckland, flying to melbourne for 21 hours (and in that 21 hours: recording a voiceover, sleeping, packing the trailer), driving to newmerella, driving to saltwater creek, camping, swimming, going on a mandate with tao and cocky, nearly stepping on a brown snake, maintaining a near-perfect esky bin with large blocks of ice, having kondo and becky stay for one night and eating lamb and drinking whiskey, the annual whiskey row (inaugurating the morning lie-down), the pack-up, driving back to melbourne (including toasted sanga and v in cann river, fish and chips in traralgon), the trailer unpack, one night in melbourne, driving to portsea for two nights, driving back to melbourne… and here I find myself.

Before I get down to business let me further address my misdemeanour/ crime/ disrespect in failing to post my match report within the required seven days. So it’s actually 45 days since the Grand Final. Interestingly the GF was played 23 days before the end of 2011. If I manage to post this today then another 22 days will have passed since the first day of 2012. Which would mean that I would have just scraped in ahead of the second 23 day cycle. Which is fortunate because I believe the rules state that if two cycles of 23 days are passed without the posting of a match report then the required punishment is permanent deregistration from the order of Nannas followed by castration and defenestration. Happily I will have just avoided the first two of these punishments (assuming my post goes up this day January 22, 2012) and will have to suffer only the ignominy of defenestration. And I shall obediently be defenestrated as required.

Now to the game. But first, the build-up. It was nothing if not a build-up of such surging, raging and frothing tumescence that all the power of the Southern Ocean might seem a child’s bath in comparison. It’s turgidity was such that the frustrations of seventy five fourteen year old boarding school boys (having had their porridge spiked with viagra and made to watch JH mince around naked but for a hand towel) might be barely discernible. Yes it was just that kind of deeply swollen member of a build-up that can be caused by only one thing: words! And not just any words but the mighty fighting words of our master wordsmith Coach Judge Coach. He lifted us up where we belonged with his poetic viagra, he spoke of mountains and hyenas and jackals and lions. He spiked our morale so full of mythical vibrations and the thick, hot blood of narrative that we were in a frenzy of victory-lust by the time we hit the court on December 8, 2011.

But what of our highly fancied, overwolf of an opponent, St Kilda FC? The team that had won every game of the season. The undefeated. And if I had the stats I could tell you about their points, their high scoring games and their whopping goal difference. But I don’t have the stats so I won’t. Suffice to say: THEY WERE NOT EXPECTING TO LOSE! They weren’t expecting to see a team of Nannas high on prose-induced morale either.

We stepped up and we stepped to them. A very solid overall team performance. Excellent coaching from JH. The defence was dogged and determined, the shooting inspired, the possession play text-book. And we kept on pounding them. Even when we were 4-2 up we kept on giving it for the whole thirty-six minutes. It was interesting to see a team as good as St Kilda actually begin to fall apart as they realised they couldn’t win. The final score: 6-2.

Then we went to Kondo’s for a classic six goal after match function. Steaks and an enormous daikon that we all had a go at grating. The lebanese blonde. Beers. Talk of family crests. Guy revealed that he comes from a long line of strawberry eaters. Nothing wrong with that. Strawberries are good for your teeth and they are the only fruit to have their seeds on the outside. Just like the Nannas who wear their cojones on the outside of their trousers when they smash the top of the table into the next cubicle and beyond. Perhaps, the Nannas’ finest hour!

Finals coach—player ratings

Uncategorized

10/10 Chas
Ruled the mid-field. Very influential.

10/10 Kondo
Ran like a maniac. Vital touches in defence just as we were taking the game away from them.

9/10 Tao
Enforced the contact area. Scored a corker.

9/10 Cocky
In the right areas. Unlucky not to get 3 or 4.

9/10 Tom
Solid in defence. Menacing in forays forward.

9/10 Gill
Didn’t have much to do. Got busy with gaols.

9/10 Frasay
Got well forward. Put himself where he wasn’t wanted.

8/10 Andy
Excellent support. Loses a point for not being able to play.

5/10 Captain
With us in spirit. Loses points for not being there.

Match Report 111201

match report

4-3 Win vs Hampton FC in the Semi-Final
CB 1, DC, GF, CG, TH 1(MOM), TK 1, TW 1, RH(Coach)

-Let us talk of events metaphorically
It’s a helicopter shot, wide, all that is; deserts, jungles, canyons, snow capped ridges. It tracks and pans and starts moving purposefully to the most majestic peak in all the vista. Slowly the vastness focusses in on this monumental craggy outcrop of weather hardened igneous agelessness, tracking around it in a circular manner, showing its glory, revealing it’s staggering size and magnificent beauty. As more is laid bare one comes to realise that its beauty belies its hardness. What is at a distance splendid is up close devastating. What is from afar glorious is in situ a terrifying place to be. For this, dear reader, is the Mountain of Soccer Finals. As we get closer still we notice a beast, perched statuesquely on the summit of the mount gazing nobly into the distance, the wind catching its lustrous pelt and shimmering it just so. Through the technology of modern motorised pan/tilt units and gyroscopically stabilised camera heads the beast is quite nicely revealed to be a wise old lion, friend to children, bon homme, and brewery provider – but he’s not been playing with children or providing breweries lately no, for the same nifty shot that revealed the old lion to be an old lion carries on quite adroitly to reveal the scars of battle. Blood around the mouth,  scratches, nicks, viscera all mashed between the lion claws. Wise Old Lion has been fighting on Mount Soccer Finals and soon it is revealed his quarry – an hyena/jackel wearing a old lion skin(?) lies bloody and defeated at his feet. We track back up and pause on the face of this fighting lion. It is a look not of happiness, and only the merest sense of satisfaction is detectable on his countenance. No, it is the look of resolve of a warrior who has won a mighty battle but knows that an even greater fight is ahead. Now the CGI kicks in at no small cost, for we track to the eye of the lion and see what he gazes upon in the reflection of his own  retina. That’s right – he’s looking at an even bigger, more awe inspiring, nastier, finals fighting thunderdome cage match arena mountain, that’s right next to the one he just climbed, conquered and fought upon. And do you know what he sees on this war zone crag? A Gryphon – a mythical creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle, a divine guardian and hell crazy good fighter. The old lion smiles a little smile and licks his chops, he does not know how, but he knows he must, and most importantly he knows he can, climb that mountain and smack that poncing gryphon down.

-Let us talk now a little more literally
Dear sweet sweet lord mother of Mary the innocent saviour how was that? There was talk in the dunnies and we kind of had it from there – plus the cape came to Wesley for the first time. Coach Captain coached us strongly from the get go. “Get the first goal and get them on the ropes” was his advice. I was able to do pretty much that thanks to Tao’s back heel which I was able to convert on the run. From there it was one epic struggle immensely worthy of the name semi-final. We got another one – either one of Chassys big feet from long range, or a Tao deflection. But Hampton never lay down and they got another one or two back. Takeshi nailed the most beautiful lobbed header into the far corner. Giller hell crunched a dude onto the ground whimpering. Once play resumed they slithered one in and there was a very tense last minute played out at 4-3. Sweet victory thoust is the sweetest teat at which to suckle.

Post match Captain stepped it up a notch with park cooked bratwurst and beers in Fitzroy North Park st. Then to datestamp it for Babcock’s happiness we went and partied all night at Tao’s 40th the following Saturday

MATCH REPORT 20111224

Uncategorized

2-6 Vs Hampton FC
TH, AW, GF, TK(G), DC, TW(2, MOM)

A long time since a slender 7 and it it felt good. We played a nice and tight one but were not able to stop some easy goals getting past. Kondo played a beautiful game in goals after a long stint out. Dan had some nice runs but was taken down by a groin. This didn’t stop him from getting. Back in there and having another go. Kudos goes out to Ghee who past a little chip back to myself allowing me to slide on in the opposite corner. 

Over all it was a pretty tight and angry free game for Hampton. 

After we went for some high class pizza in the city thanks to Toms cook. 

Match Report 111110

Uncategorized

2-4 vs St. Kilda, Wesley, 7.20pm

AW, CB, GF, CG (gk) , JH, RH, TH,TW 1, TK 1
mom TK

This was a part of the spiritual experience before the 11,11,11. I was excited about the13 Cristal Skulls were going to meet up next day to change the world.

Well two weeks since now… any thing good happened? A lot of thing has happened in my life. some ordinary. some of them are beyond the imagination. News about life and death..

This night was bit rough. I felt like all players were hungry animals waiting for the time to eat.
The game started evenly. I was not aware that they are the top team but certainly we matched up the skill and the speed. Their good pass works made a little difference but we were playing in good shape.

last few min they squeezed few goals but victory will be ours next time.

After the game, JH took us to check Korean BBQ + Special chicken and called “we should consider the quality and quantity of the meat in the vote.” I totally agree. Indeed we should judge the cook by this.

grrh.

Nanna’s match 111103

Uncategorized, , ,

CB (1), GF (MOM), CG, JH, RH, TH, TW, AW, DC

Be more than you can be.

That’s as good a code as you can get, and it’s the code the Nans played by and lived by last Thursdey night. Our opponents were a brutish mob of savage hairy sasquatch. There skin was slimey like like they’d just been coughed up by a giant cat, a sick one. Or maybe they’d just been birthed by an alien. An alien who wanted so badly to beat the Nans, that it had worked out a way to birth hairy formidable sasquatch that could barely pass as humans, that had been sent here on a seek and destroy mission.
Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Not on our watch. We’re human beings goddamit! No hairy fuckin sasquatch alien is going to take our field of play and slop and plop their sticky mucus all over it, and get away with it.
So we showed em.

The alien freakazoids were heading the ball so much we couldn’t touch it.
When they stuck at goal, it was like canonballs coming.
Their slime burned our skin like battery acid. They sucked, and they sucked hard.

But the nannas were not perturbed.

Chassie let out about 20 kg’s of pure panache with a stunning goal from beyond the half.

Tao fought back too. He fought hard enough to hit lillac on the purpleometer. Not a bad effort, but a big part of me wanted him to kill every one of their guys, particularly the douche bag who pushed him down while muttering something in Greedo language that noone understood.

Half time is a blur. I never really know what the hell’s going on by half time. I feel like Maverick after Goose has just died, and Mav is having a lot of trouble re-engaging, but then Viper makes it clear he’s got Mav’s back, and Mav balls magically pop back out of his vagina, and he kills Russia. While the pep talk is happening, inside I’m just saying “Talk to me Goose” over and over. But don’t tell anyone that.

Second half was insane.

Frase’ pulled a new time stop move. Here’s how it went down. Hinkley slinkerly wafted the ball to Fraser in the D, and then Fraser droped the time bomb braining on the sasquatches, leaving them stunned for a good 5 seconds. Fraser repositioned his shorts, pulled a shit eating grin in the direction of the Nanna subs, and positioned the ball so that it would go in. Just as the alien brutuses began to unfreeze from their groggy haze, Ghee rolled one home.

In that moment, before the screams of ecstacy from Gilla, before the classy nod of kudos from the Captain, in that moment, cancer was cured, drugs were legal, poverty was wiped out, and love ruled supreme.
Maybe the aliens won, maybe they didn’t. Didn’t matter.

(Questions for the Nannas) Match report 27 October 2011

Uncategorized

Nannas 3 versus Pornstars 2

CB, GF, CG (1), JH (MOM), RH, TH, TW (1), AW

Questions posed pre-game:
Where is Ghee going to take us after the game and will it be any good? Does Ghee understand what ‘a cook’ entails? Who will drive from Northside? Who are we playing and what time? Who is playing? Is arguing about driving schedules, petrol mileage and how many people carried a Nanna thing to do? Are the Northsiders crazy? Where are Kondo and Cocky this week? What if Cocky didn’t actually have a keen interest in statistics? Are there too many emails sent during the flurry? Should we ban people from having their say in the flurry if they are not playing? Has Gill driven enough to warrant him never driving to a Nanna game again? Is it wise to drink a V before the game? Is it wise to get high before the game? How did Chas, or Hinkley for that matter, feel about the All Blacks winning the World Cup? How many Nanna emails does it take to organise something? Did Hinkley intentionally miss Gill off the list when talking about picking people up Northside? How much did Ghee pay for his new shoes? Are Ghee’s new shoe’s to everyone’s liking? Where would the flurry be without Andy taking the piss out of people?

Questions posed during the game:
Is too eight too many to have on an indoor soccer team? Is it better to have a larger team when it is hot? Are the Pornstars the same team without their English import? Can the Nannas convert all the possession they are enjoying into goals? Did anyone think the Pornstars own goal a bit sus? Do the Nannas have any attacking ability without Cocky? Is it right for Phil to play for a team when they already have five? Should Phil be allowed to score? Will Phil score? Are the Nannas getting too old? Is Hinkley really a god? Would it be wise to try to overthrow Hinkely for his captaincy? Should Tommy take a course in football tactics, so he can really Coach us? Should Chassy play a more playmaking role? Is it wise to bait a member of the opposition? Is the Pornstar’s keeper psycho? Should the Nannas get angry during a game? Will the Nannas ever stop bickering with one another? Doesn’t Gilla’s arse/hips get sore from all the jumping around he does? Can anyone ever get past Ghee? Can Gilla really score from between his own goal posts?  Will Gilla save the penalty? Will Tao score in the dying seconds  and win us the game? Will Hinkley and Tao realise that there is about 10 seconds for the opposition to score?

Questions posed post game:
Are the Nannas on a lucky streak? Is SIRI any good? Should one’s cooking effort be judged by those who leave early? How many beers did Ghee bring? How do you set reminders on your iPhone? Is the meatball soup noodle any good? Does Tommy have an unhealthy obsession with tripe? Should a player being high affect the number of votes he gets for MOM? Who is MOM? How many tokes should one have on a joint before getting on the train back to Malmsbury? What games are you playing on your iPhone at the moment? Is Tommy really the best choice for climbing on people’s backs? What is $100 divided by eight? Did Ghee get any cash for the beers he bought? Will Ghee hump his new flatmate? Will Ghee have a party at his new house soon? Will a select group of Nannas play golf this Thursday? Will everyone be able to make a 6 pm game next week? Who cooks next week?

Motivational Mixtape

Uncategorized

Blood Bros: First Blood by Mad Decent

Track List:
1. Kumite (Main Title) – Paul Hertzog – Bloodsport
2. Higher And Higher – Craig Wedren – Wet Hot American Summer
3. The Glow – Willie Hutch – The Last Dragon
4. Thunder In Your Heart – John Farnham – Rad
5. No Easy Way Out – Robert Tepper – Rocky IV
6. Break The Ice – John Farnham – Rad
7. Montage – DVDA – South Park
8. Training Montage – Vince Di Cola – Rocky IV
9. Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor – Rocky III
10. Fight To Survive – Stan Bush – Bloodsport
11. The Final Countdown – Europe – Blood Bros
12. No Retreat No Surrender – Stan Bush – Kickboxer
13. Never Surrender – Stan Bush – Kickboxer
14. The Touch – Stan Bush – Transformers The Movie
15. Take It Like A Man – Stan Bush – Blood Bros
16. Dare – Stan Bush – Transformers The Movie
17. Sweetest Victory – Mark Torien – Rocky IV
18. Iron Eagle (Never Say Die) – King Kobra – Iron Eagle
19. Now You’re A Man – DVDA – Orgazmo
20. Winner Takes All – Sammy Hagar – Over The Top
21. Burning Heart – Survivor – Rocky IV
22. You’re The Best Around – Joe Espisito – Karate Kid
23. Gonna Fly Now – Bill Conti – Rocky
24. Glory Of Love – Peter Cetera – Karate Kid 2

Match Report 2011-10-20

match report

Vs VJFC
1-0
CB mom,DC,TH,TW,AW,GF,CG 1,TK

I no longer drive
I do not, I arrive
It’s not part of my thing
Put it there gimme five

Shoved to the ground
By a punk not in brown
Eloquent fury
“are you out of your mind?”

Scoreless for ages
Just like teenagers
Then a big gill goal
For the gold and brown pages

Tenser than a kiwi-France final
Or a scratch on new vinyl
Just one point in it
It nearly went vaginal

Plus tard, rue des fleurs
Wal’s choice we infer
Pas mal du tout
For a night in october.

Match Report 111013

Uncategorized

5-5 vs Hampton St Fc, Wesley, 9.20pm

DC, GF, CG (gk) 1, RH1, TH, TK 1,TW2
mom TK

Well, we started really well in the best form. Most importantly, we were passing well, keeping the ball at the front, running back quick and defending as a wall.
As the result, we have got few goals quickly. It started by my lucky goal then followed by RH’s the most beautiful heal kick goal, CG’s magic tomahawk goal, TW’s lightning goals.

At the start of the second half, everyone must felt really good what we were doing. So all went super tight until last 4 minutes.
How could we loose 4 goals in 4 minutes? Hey, It was matter of focusing. No communication and no tactics. The score was draw but there was a heavy feeling.
A big kudos for CG stopped at least 8 goals. One of the location manager of Wesley kept saying we should buy a case of beer for him.

Instead of buying the case, we went to a bar then CG and myself were rejected by the door bitch. so my report ends here.. what happened after the night.. I hope everyone is still alive..

MATCH REPORT 111006

match report

The Nannas vs (The Dreaded) ANNUAL (Hampton Street FC)

0   v    3

CG, TH, DC, GF, TK, TW, JH

 

hang your heads low……

It was a totally impotent performance, admittedly their goalie stopped ALL our goals, but we didn’t have a lot of shots on target.

At least Guy was doing his part. We told him at the start to definitely use your secret weapon. Don’t let it go to waste. It is known on a few continents now, its – THE REACHAROUND. He was jostling with a man and slipped the reacharound on him and low and behold the guy just spooned back into Ghee. He smiled like he had prearranged the moment.

Ghee actually looked really freaked out, I mean even training on Jim there is a moducum of on court decorum, but this…this was a new one for Ghee. Ever the Nanna Ghee kept reaching until all were finished. 15 minutes later the game resumed.

They got the first with a soft effort from the incredibly good looking goalie. More crap mistakes resulted in their crap goals. Three in fact. There were no highlights at all for the Nannas this game. Nothing to speak of, in fact a bald game it was.

Cooking was in the capable hands of Mr WEIS, now the call was for Raphs burger oint, but it was sold out, he LUCKILY pulled a SASSY outta the bag! (oh and an esky full of votes….

 

 

 

 

It was a rather

Match Report 110922

match report

5-7 v ?, Melbourne Girls’, 9.20pm
CB, DC 4, GF, CG (gk) 1, RH, TH, TK
mom DC

A curious game this one. APISC pulled a late venue change on us with the game shifting to Melbourne Girls College*. A time change also proved an arse for Jim who was forced to get high and catch a train to regional oblivion. Giller on the other hand made the late pull-in, bringing our number to 7. The excitement of the generator bikes in the foyer soon wore off when we realised that there were no spare balls for a warm up, but it was okay for the Reach-around™ as he had worn some tights. A rather soft goal was conceded by the Nannas not long after kickoff but we soon stormed back into the game. Some magical cross court passing lead to the first, followed by a free kick and something of a solo run by the author. Giller was playing some lovely square balls early on but then started to kick them around a little too much for the coach’s liking who, in quite uncustomary form, yelled at the goalie… a lot.. all the way to the side line after the half time whistle blew.. and still kept yelling. Early into the second half we nicked another but were 4-5 down before Giller finally hit the target. the equaliser is always a rejuvenating force but by this stage the nannas were getting tired and the defence was beginning to gape. The man in tights was really starting to sweat, the captain was taking some wild punts, the coach was yelling ‘Fraser’ and pointing a lot, it was heading south fast and we shipped two more before the final whistle… ah well. Unusually, yet luckily for the author, his 4 goal haul was enough to pip Giller by a single vote. Then Chassy of the Triple Crown® took us to some crazy Shanghai genre mashup inspired diner disco in the arse end of Little Collins. Bong Mist was there which made it seem cooler than perhaps it was. We drank beer (except the coach who had tap water (which according to Guy is still technically mineral water)), talked about movies (Guy was there), Rhian gave props to the new museological show at acmi (well actually that was in the car on the drive to Melbourne Girls’), I tried to convince Tom that it is actually spelled reamde and isn’t just a design thing, we ate some chips and calamari and completely forgot to discuss the style guide for the blog, which was annoying.

* it was noted that a nanna progeny may be attending said institution to receive her secondary education

Match Report 2011_09_15

match report

6-4 vs The Decepticons, Wesley 8:40pm
MOM CB,TH
TH(gk),CB 3,DC 2,TW 1,GF,AW,RH

You see, it’s all about perception. What you see, or think you see. What you feel, or think you feel. The interpretation of experience as it comes to be shared with your Nanna brethren. The inevitable progression from my mind unto yours. And the fallibility of the former as it falls prey to the corrections thrust upon it by others. And standing outside of experience confers a heightened level of objectivity to the observer. Thus, may the detachment of the onlooker swell the onlooker’s sense of righteousness. And perhaps they are correct.

I was at Monash University this week and I happened to be wearing the black woollen cap that Coach gave me during the early noughties. I was in need of a haircut and the cap does a good job of hiding and flattening the naffness of my large, billowing absence of style. Interestingly, as I approached the campus centre I was repeatedly approached by student election sprookers asking me if I were a student and whether I knew how to vote. I responded to this repeatedly, “No, I’m not a student.” To the which, a young woman (friend of one of the sprookers) announced, “Well, you’re pretending to look like one!” This made me feel a little self conscious and as I entered the Campus Centre I thrust said woollen cap into my man-bag allowing the absence of style to billow out quite unsheathed. Having eaten some foul coagulated vegan gruel from Wholefoods I left the campus centre to return to my rehearsal room. This time, not a single sprooker approached me, nor narrowed their gaze upon me, nor even glanced at me. WIth the loss of the woollen cap I was instantly and unambiguously ‘not-a-student’.

Yep, these young men we played against took one look at us and thought wow they’re not students. None of them is wearing a black woollen cap. They must be old ‘not-a-students’. They must be masters of their craft. Battle hardened but not bruised. And their perceptions manifested themselves in objective truth. For it is true that we were victorious. No less that six times did we plunder the cavity of their sacred goal. They could return the favour only four times. But we witnessed a kernel of potential in these infant-men. As Thermos wisely observed at half time.. they will improve. And they did. They won the second half.

Guy Fraser made his return to the court. In fine style. He allowed his tan to acclimatise before hitting the court. You cannot hurry these things. It can only result in a loss of face. So Frasay stepped up and pulled out some classic lumberjack moves. Blocking the ball with his snapping, lizard-tongue like legs. Spirtitually reaching around and giving the common courtesy to the metaphorical Nanna ball-sack. Fraser, we all enjoyed it and I know I speak for all (as one) when I say “Great to have you back buddy!”

Hinkley took us to the Belgian Beer Cafe which was not quite as lame as everyone expected.

Match Report 110915

match report, Uncategorized

6-4 vs Decepticons, Wesley 8.40
CB 3 (MOM), DC 2, GF(welcome back[on field]), RH, TH(MOM + GK), TW 1, AW

Once a pon a time a band of fucking men made a vow to be HEROOOES together forever, because brothers are brothers and we never separate or surrender or leave another man behind and we’ll always be the Nannas and you can’t break the bond of blood and victory its a bond like forged steel reinforced titanium carbon fibre bonded tungsten plaited adamantite spider’s silk that is tougher than an axe or a chainsaw or a blow torch or a gas axe or a semi-trailer driven at speeds unheard of with a goddamned spiked bullbar with toy baby heads with little daubs of red paint around the severed heads to simulate blood and hard-core toughness like bloody knuckles and leather jackets with studs and concrete and all the things that describe how tough a thing would have to be to break the toughest bond that was the bond that the men made together… forever… no exceptions… never give up… never walk away… THEN ONE MAN WALKED AWAY! And went to live in a hole, a fucking hole for christ’s sake, a fucking dirty keuzer’s hole, and he lived in it for a really long time, a bit like this scat muncher right here:

And the men didn’t need him or remember his name or talk of him when they were drinking or laugh at his old dumb jokes or cry a little when they thought of him when they were alone and thinking of the good fun times they had or wish he was back or even want his fat dumb head back… Then he came back, and apart from a total fuckwit move on the dinner voting one night it was like he’d never even gone, and a great team was complete once more, and in honour of his first game back on the field we smashed the jnr decepticons mostly on the counter-attack, and Rhian, to prove his deep love thought long and hard and took us all to Belgian Beer Cafe. Sorry to have to be a cunt about it.

There are no byes 110908

Uncategorized

Well that is the saying… but evidently it no longer carries any real weight whatsoever. From a team of ten, only three Nannas were committed enough to go to the Waiters and eat steaks, drink beer, defile virgin brassy and then watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Their names shall echo down through the ages… Coach®, Striker™ and Reacharound©. . After expecting the worst our three valiant ‘nobyers’ were pleasantly surprised by the movie, and Striker™ had a most excellent ride home.

* In fairness it should be mentioned that there had been mutterings from the Captain (mainly about a dance film!) and Brown and BestLookingNanna did consider the late pull-in.

MATCHREPORT 20110901

match report, Uncategorized

THE NANNAS v ALLENS FC

TK, TH, TW(MOM), CG(MOM), CB(1), JH(1), AW, DC(1, RED CARD)

3  :  1

I think we know what FC really stands for and because we are such gentlemen no one will make the Fucking Cunts reference. Well to be fair, it really was only one guy, and he knows who he is. The rest of the team were really lovely, no really lovely.

It was troubling to see Ghee’s face as he came back, finally after 32 years in England. The fury that he had to witness was heavy. His little brow had not seen that many folds in a long long time.

Enough about them, we smashed em! It doesn’t really matter about the red card, but it was good to see Bob back with the ref’s whistle in his mouth. I can tell you Tao’s but cheeks clenched immediately as he saw Bob. Those two HAVE HISTORY. But a joyous history and they embraced on the court like two old chess foes.

THEN THERE WAS TAKESHI’S.

What a night for Rhian to opt out with his “Friend from overseas”. We partied hard with our “friend from overseas” and showed him perhaps the greatest of all Nanna nights. Now as Tao alluded to, no-one thought about whipping one out, so the GREATEST night is still to be had.

 

Match Report 20110901

Uncategorized

Vs Allens FC 3-1

TK, TH, TW(MOM), CG(MOM), CB(1), JH(1), AW, DC(1, RED CARD)

What a night. First the reach-a-round arrives but not to participate. We were all looking forward to see the infamous move made famous by the Ghee Frasay. Alas it wasn’t to be.

On this night we came up against some old foes and there was no love lost there. While most of the team played a fair fight there is always one bad seed. He got in all our faces. Gill had a go at him, Chassy gyrated angrily over him and then Dan threw him to the ground. Did he deserve it???? FUCK YEAH!!!! Did it help our cause?? Not really. While we did beat them quite convincingly it could have been by more had our striker not left the court in disgrace.

After getting in the bastards ear he took some offence to me and tried to trip me up. This took the eye of the ref and he finally got a yellow card. This seemed to calm his anger somewhat. Until the end where he tried to break my hand with his extra manly shake. Did it hurt?? Not a bit.

While it was a bit of a heated game it was quite a good game. Especially the way the Nanna’s played. Defence was at a high on this night.

After it was Kondo’s turn to cook and he seriously turn it on. We went back to his place for some nostalgic times for Dan. Kondo had the slow cook stew ready to go when we got there. Great tastes, cold beer and some narrow table tennis made for a straight 6 night of nights. It’s going to take something special that make the Nanna’s whip it out on the table for a seven.

Match report 25/08/2011

Uncategorized

Attendees: CB, DC, CG, JH, TH, AW

Goals: CB 2, DC 2, JH 3

Result: Nannas 7 plays #$%^&* 2

The second game of the season and the Nannas had something to prove. The week before we drew with a weakened Annual outfit, letting an equaliser in, in the last minute. It was shitful. It was heinous. It was an abomination. As you can see, I am having some trouble letting go of the hatred I feel at such a miserable result.

So we lined up against a new opponent. They looked competent in the warm-up (never a good indicator), but as Andy said in the warm up, ‘I don’t care who they are, it’s time they got ripped a new arsehole.’

The Nannas were six, the perfect size, and made up of some very brown men.

Gilla took up his customary place in goals. GHBG’ed he may not have been but his glare was steely, his tracky dacks stained and his hair resolutely fluffed.
Cocky was at the opposite end and his return to the field of battle has been good for the Nannas. If he is not hitting keepers in the face with shots, he is at least creating an outlet up front where there previously was none.
Chassy and Andy prowled midfield. The two complemented each other nicely. Andy is all sneak, his best trick getting in behind oppositions, especially newbies who don’t know of the terror of his backdoor raids and scything right foot.
Chassy played the classic everyone at once role. Like Nick Reiwolt he does seem to be carrying an injury at the moment, but unlike the Saints spearhead he would never let this get in the way of a fine game.
Tommy and I guarded our rear end. Tommy started from middle right, making many a lumbering run through the middle, while I penetrated from deep, down the left hand side.

The first half was a classic arm wrestle, with neither side taking a clear cut advantage. We got two past them: one from my head from a long Gill throw; Chas got the other, being Johnny on the spot to slam home into an open goal after Cocky caused a bit of mayhem up front.

They did get one back on us but chasms were beginning to open up in their defense. It seemed like they did have a lot of possession in that first half but as both Tommy and I later agreed our defense was never really threatened. They had little cohesion and their best player repeatedly went himself and then made jokes after we scored goals on the rebound (after about the sixth goal and he knew he was beaten he got decidedly grumpy, which was something of a highlight).

The second half came and the Nannas swiftly got on top. Possession swung in our favour dramatically and it was only a question of if we could put it on the board, and, put them away.

Again and again our passes stuck and with time and space we lined up for shot after shot on goal. Cocky had more chances to poke home than a stud bull in springtime but he either had trouble hitting the target or was thwarted by their keeper. His best effort was a toe hack from straight in front that zipped past a number of their defenders and was heading for the top right corner until their shot stopper miraculously got the ends of his fingers to it.

From corner restarts resulting from some of these awry shots, I was able to slot home twice, latching onto passes delivered by a most benevolent Chas.

Then Cocky finally got on the score sheet, slotting home from a most difficult angle. He later commented that he was trying to cross the ball but it didn’t look that way.

There were two other goals scored by Chas and Cocky but right now I cannot seem to recall them.

Afterward Chassy cooked but I had a date with the 9:15 to Bendigo. Even so, this Nanna went home well satisfied with his evening’s work.

MATCH REPORT 20110825

Uncategorized

NANNAS V third street saints

7   :    1

TH, CG(mom), JH(mom), AW, TK, TW, DC, CB

Three main points surfaced after this game, Dan and Andy basically pashed at a restaurant. I am a 70’s vagina and the third thing was…………….oh its all such a haze. Maybe I should start at the beginning.

We faced some newbies. Its always a cherished moment to pop some teams cherries like you do the hope hopes and dreams of innocents. They still walked off the courts happily, but they realised they came up against an extremely skillful (old) opponent. We smashed them. However it should be pointed out that at half time the score was 2:1 in our favour.

It wasn’t until the second half that we found our rhythm. We were snapping passes like a dirty old man at the royal melbourne show. In fact the goals were so flowing that it seems like a Lionel Messi training drill in my mind. We just kept popping them in.

Let it be noted too that we had a new ref. This ref was great, young, but great, he took it seriously and made the game actually quite enjoyable. Then it was Chassy turn to cook.

Chassy took us to the swinging RICE QUEEN, where we were great by Ingrid busting out some sultry cocktail vocals accompanied by Olaf on keys and a cat on bass. It was quite a way to prepare for dinner. Obviously chassy had spent his afternoon blogging madly, but he came up trumps. Whilst the waiter was mildly insane, the food was ok and the tunes rolled all night.

Then there was the EDUMAME incident. Dan had turned his back only for a moment, and that was all it took for Andy to suck the beans out of his edumame pod and mistakenly throw the skin in the WRONG bowl. Then Dan reached in and sucked on Andy’s old bean, to then declare that he just sucked on a used skin. Andy may have well have spat in Dan’s mouth. He may well have licked the inside of Dan’s cheeks. He almost sucked on his tongue like a baby on a teat. As soon as the words fell out of Dan’s mouth, he realised he mistake. The truth was out and that jus made the realisation all the more funky. No wonder he made me take him out for a walk.

All that aside, the excitement is all about this week, as we have the return of REACHAROUND. All I can say is – beware any member of any opposition that play against the proud brown men. If you feel something reaching around, don’t look down, if you don’t see it happen, maybe it never did. Just like if Dan never mentioned about the Edumame, it would maybe have never happened.